Chronic Illness Lessons: Identity

Who am I?
What makes me, me?
Where do I find value and purpose?

Have you asked yourself these questions? I think we all have. Each person looks for something to make them unique or give them purpose and value.

Consequently, identity struggles are a normal part of life. For instance, God created us for work (Gen. 2:15) and relationships (Gen. 2:18). It is not wrong, but a reflection of God Himself, to find joy and excitement in those things. However, because of the curse, those good things often become ultimate things, and the way God created them to function becomes distorted and sin-raided.

While we all battle identity issues, chronic illness seems to present an identity crisis. It strips away what we previously thought defined us and causes us to question everything. We are told to find our identity in Christ (Col. 3:3). But what does that look like when you battle chronic illness? 

Chronic illness has unveiled my own identity issues more than anything else I’ve experienced. Here are some things I’ve learned:

1. You can’t define yourself by what you do (or don’t do). You may be unable to contribute like the average person or keep up with normal life. While you feel this tension of what you want to do and what you're able to do, it's good to remember that limitations are part of being human. Identity in Christ frees you from defining yourself by what you do.

2. Your value isn’t defined by what others think. It's tempting to look to others for validation or for them to understand. Identity in Christ frees you from looking to others for value.

3. You can rest without striving. Even when resting, it’s easy for to strive internally. “I need to do this… if only I could accomplish this….why can't I do that?…” Even though we may be physically stopping, we can act as if the world can’t go on without us. Identity in Christ frees you to rest.

4. It’s ok to fail. There will be days you feel like a failure because of where you’re at physically or your lack of accomplishments. There will be numerous moments of sinful responses. Identity in Christ frees you from being defined by your failure.

5. It’s ok to say no. You don't have to fix everything or take on every need. Consider what is wise for you, and learn to say no when it's necessary. Identity in Christ frees you from the burden of being the savior of anyone or anything.

6. You can accept your current state of health, while being hopeful for the future. Honestly accepting your limitations is necessary for healing, but you can be hopeful for the future. Identity in Christ frees you from placing your hope in your healing, while remaining hopeful.

7. You can be grateful when your idols are unveiled. Yes, there are emotions and struggles that come about from the stress and physical, but there will be heart issues as well. Be grateful, because God is using it to refine you. Identity in Christ allows you to honestly confess your sin.

8. Your value doesn’t rest on your performance. Your value rests on the finished work of Christ, not anything you do. Identity in Christ frees you from performing to earn favor.

9. You are not defined by your illness. After a while, sickness becomes comfortable, no matter how desperately you want it to improve. It may be the only identity left, since everything was stripped away. So you may become afraid to lose it. Identity in Christ frees you from fear.

10. Your life is not worthless. You are of great value, loved and accepted, because you are made in the image of God! Don’t ever believe the lie that it would be better if you were gone or that you’re too much of a burden on everyone else. Your life has purpose, even if you can’t see it. Identity in Christ gives you purpose, no matter what life looks like.

As long as we find identity in success, performance, achievements, relationships, serving, or anything temporary, we will be prone to either pride or despair. Tremendous freedom flows when we find our identity in our Savior.

If your purpose and value has been stripped away by chronic illness, learn to see that as a blessing. When God takes away what doesn't last, He wants to replace it with something permanent. He wants you to find your identity, your hope, your joy, and your fulfillment in Him alone. Learning to rest in your identity in Christ will make you much more fruitful and effective and bring hope in the darkest of days.

If you missed it, check out part one on grief!

Chronic Illness Lessons: Learning to Grieve

First in a new series!

There is a type of inevitable grief that comes with chronic illness. The loss of a job, friends, hobbies, and more, due to declining health, make the present and the future dark. Not knowing if it'll ever improve causes the loss to feel even more unbearable. Just as an amputee is forced to learn to live with the loss of a limb, a chronically ill person has to learn to live with newfound limitations. This, and the emotions that coincide, are some of the greatest challenges.

One of my biggest losses in chronic illness was the piano. I played the piano for 17 years before it was suddenly stripped away. Every time I attempted to play, my pain would become excruciating. Eventually, I stopped trying. I questioned whether I had lost that gift for good.

In my battle with chronic illness, one of the lessons I've learned is that it's ok to grieve. I've been on a journey of learning how to lament. To cry out to God in the pain. To take the emotions to my heavenly Father instead of burying them deep inside.

For a long time I thought I just had to be content and joyful with my chronic illness, and it was perpetually frustrating that it was so hard for me. Every day I was stuck on my bed I would be discouraged and frustrated, which in turn propelled more frustration that I couldn't just accept it! Why couldn't I just "grin and bear it"? After all, it wasn't anything new.

And then I realized God wasn't asking me to ignore the pain and just "be joyful". There's a reason the Psalms are full of laments, cries, and pleas. God is trying to teach us how to lament and grieve when we face very difficult losses. Biblically grieving losses in a broken world reflects God Himself.

The Psalms are full of very raw, honest, and desperate cries:

"How long, O Lord? Will you forget me forever?
How long will you hide your face from me?
How long must I take counsel in my soul
and have sorrow in my heart all the day?"
Psalm 13:1-2

"Save me, O God! For the waters have come up to my neck.
I sink in deep mire, where there is no foothold;
I have come into deep waters, and the flood sweeps over me.
I am weary with my crying out; my throat is parched.
My eyes grow dim with waiting for my God."
Psalm 69:1-3

The Psalms help give words to our grief. They relate to us as we face loss and teach us what it looks like to grieve and lament in a way that honors God. Vaneetha Rendall Risner, in her book, The Scars that Have Shaped Me, talks about the implications of this truth:

"Our authenticity draws others to God as it allows them to be honest, too. God welcomes our lament to help us hold on to him. He knows that our tendency is either to pretend everything is okay (while we suffocate on the inside) or to walk away from God, believing he doesn’t care. Lamenting keeps us engaged with God. When we lament, we invite God into our pain so that we can know his comfort, and others can see that our faith is real."

Facing the difficult emotions of grief and crying out to God in lament sometimes feels wrong. It seems like we're doubting and questioning God when we shouldn't. Yet amazingly, when we lament, we are staying engaged with God, and it actually displays the genuineness of our faith to others.

So as you face losses in chronic illness, take that grief to God. Cry out to Him. Be honest about your struggles. Lament. Then let the God of all comfort be your Comforter.

Your willingness to lament encourages other sufferers more than a joyful facade ever will.

*Post based off Hope and Help for Chronic Illness

Courage in Chronic Illness

What comes to mind when you hear the word courage?
Great accomplishments?
Daring feats?
Stepping out of your comfort zone?

While the dictionary does define courage as "the ability to do something that frightens one", there is a second definition that I believe is even more impactful:

Strength in the face of pain or grief.

Are you facing ongoing pain, fatigue, or ever-changing symptoms that haven't yet been diagnosed? Navigating the challenges of life with diabetes or fibromyalgia? Chronic illness hits in so many forms and is a difficult journey. It requires extensive courage. Courage you may not believe you have.

But, dear reader, if you have made it another day when you thought it wasn't possible, you have courage.

"Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is the quiet voice at the end of the day saying, 

'I will try again tomorrow.'" Mary Anne Radmacher

This quote struck me when a friend shared it with me recently. You see, courage is a hard thing for me. At the end of a physically exhausting or emotionally draining day, the last thing I want to say is, "I'll try again tomorrow." I wish I could give up. I want it all to end.

Courage is not a word I would use to describe myself. I'm not daring or adventurous. I don't even like change much at all.

But life-risking adventure is not the kind of courage God seeks. It's not about being the first person to try something risky or accomplishing some grand feat. Rather, as you face your deepest fears in chronic illness, your most intense pain, your severe limitations, your "new normal", the heart issues unveiled–you are exhibiting courage. As you persevere day-by-day and moment-by-moment, you are demonstrating courage.

Don't give up, no matter how hard your days get. Keep turning to the Lord in the grief and pain. God is developing powerful fortitude and courage in you. One day, you will look back and realize in all those pain-filled days you didn't want to continue, there was grace.

You will look back and see that you have more courage than you ever expected. Not the adrenaline-rush, risk-taking courage, but the long-lasting courage that helps you persevere through a difficult life in a broken world. Courage to follow Jesus no matter the cost. Courage that has strengthened your faith and hope.

This is true courage.