The Booklet is HERE!

It's finally here! You can purchase your copy of Hope and Help for Chronic Illness at Focus Publishing, co-authored with Dr. Mark Shaw. And it's endorsed by Joni Eareckson Tada!

The Story:

This booklet idea was birthed out of my battle with chronic illness. It flowed from the deepest struggles I’ve ever faced, as well as my longings for healing. It was very much written in the depths chronic illness, not on the other side of making it through. Many, many tears flowed in the process of writing.

I served in a one-year internship at Vision of Hope, a residential facility for women. There I met Dr. Mark Shaw, and as I physically struggled to make through my internship, I expressed to him that I felt like there wasn’t much written for chronic illness sufferers.

So he suggested we should write something together. And that’s how it all began…

I personally know the deep difficulty of chronic illness, and I wrestled with how I could be one to write and provide hope of any form for others. I felt like I was barely clinging to hope myself. In my experience, just as when you help someone grieving the loss of a loved one, you have to approach chronic illness sufferers very gently. There is a lot going on. I’ve never felt so intimidated by a project and inadequate to write, and yet so reassured that it was God's timing.

Thanks to Dr. Shaw's prompting, we wrote a resource to help those battling chronic illness. It is by no means comprehensive. But we hope it will provide encouragement and hope for those who are struggling.

If you are battling chronic illness, would you be willing to read it? And if you know someone, would you share this resource with them? We want to get it into the hands of as many people as possible, praying that it would offer compassionate care and hope to those who are suffering.

Go get your booklet! :)

When Prayers are Unanswered

God doesn’t often answer our prayers in the way we’d like. He doesn’t always take away the trouble. But He does answer:

“On the day I called, You answered me;
my strength of soul You increased.”
Psalm 138:3

God answers by strengthening us, enabling us to stand against the pressures of life.

This is grace.

It isn’t the form of grace I generally appreciate. Most often, I plead for the trial to go away. I long for life to be better. It's not wrong to want that. God gave us that yearning to help us long for heaven, the day when all will be made right. Until then, the curse of sin has left this world broken.

On the other hand, sometimes we miss what God is doing right now because we are so focused on getting out of the difficulty. Vaneetha Rendall Risner talks about "rescuing grace" and "sustaining grace" in her book, The Scars that Have Shaped Me. We all long for rescue from our circumstances. Yet there is something beautiful to be gained from sustaining grace in a trial. Vaneetha explains:

"With sustaining grace, we must continually go back to God. This grace is not a one-time thing, just as manna was not a one-time event. We need it every day. And it keeps us dependent on God. With sustaining grace, we get more of Jesus. His comfort, his nearness, his very presence."

Psalm 138 continues with a similar theme...

“Though I walk in the midst of trouble,
You preserve my life…
The Lord will fulfill His purpose for me.” (vs. 7a, 8a)

God is fulfilling His purpose for you. That is not to sound cliché or make light of your suffering, but to provide hope. God walks with you. He preserves you when you feel like you cannot make it another day. This is sustaining grace. Vaneetha looks back on her lack of rescuing grace in the midst of much suffering and imparts this wisdom:

“God loved me enough not to rescue me. He knew I needed to see him, to sense his presence, to understand his heart. I needed those things more than I needed rescue.”

This is a hard truth, but a freeing one. Have you wondered sometimes how you've made it this far? How you've pushed through so much pain and fatigue? How you've persisted, despite the tremendous hurt and suffering you've experienced?

This is grace. God's sustaining grace. And that same grace will be with you and keep you to the end.

"Through many dangers, toils and snares 

We have already come. 

Twas grace that brought us safe thus far, 

And grace will lead us home."

If you want an encouraging book from someone who has suffered greatly, read The Scars that Have Shaped Me: How God Meets Us in Suffering!

How Illness can be More Fruitful than Health

If you had asked me a year or two ago if chronic illness could be more useful or fruitful than health, I would've replied, "No way!" Now of course, I never would tell that to a suffering person. But I definitely thought it regarding my own health problems.

Sickness greatly hinders my productivity. It keeps me from serving and ministry. It prevents participation in church life. It creates a huge financial burden on others I become dependent on. Ongoing sickness seems like a complete waste of time. 

This was my perception of my chronic illness. Spurgeon challenged me in his statement:

“Sickness has frequently been of more use to the saints of God than health has.”

Charles Spurgeon didn't just say this out of naivety. He experienced ongoing health problems and depression. His wife fought chronic illness and couldn't leave home to hear him preach for an extended period.

By God's grace, there are many things I’m continually learning about His work through sickness and suffering. I hope it will encourage you too, no matter the form of suffering you face.

Five ways chronic illness can be more fruitful than health:

1. Illness directs you to greater dependence on God. (2 Cor. 12:9-10) Often when we are well, we are incredibly self-sufficient, even though we desire to be dependent on God. Have you comes to grips with your own weakness and inability through illness or pain? This tumultuous, trying season helps point to your daily need for God. And what a beautiful thing, when in your weakness, His strength shines through.


2. Illness cultivates compassion on others who are suffering. (2 Cor. 1:3-7) Did you formerly walk by those who were suffering without much thought about how you could help or encourage them? Or perhaps you came across harsh to those you were trying to help. I have been guilty of this. Illness cultivates compassion for others who are hurting. So in essence, your sickness is making you more like Jesus!


3. Illness tests and reveals your heart. (Deut. 8:2) Just as God tested the Israelites in the desert to show them what was in their hearts, He often uses suffering to reveal what is in ours. And it's not usually very pretty. There is hope though, because whenever we are faced with the ugliness of our sin, we can confess that and find cleansing and freedom through Jesus. As your sin is on display through illness, run to Jesus, letting Him transform your heart and make you more like Him.


4. Illness pushes you to find your identity in Christ. (Col. 3:3) Has this sudden loss of everything has made you feel like you are no longer the same person? Me too. What's encouraged me is that what I can or can't do does not change who I am. Accomplishments, success, relationships, a job, or ministry do not give us purpose and meaning. Our purpose in life is found in being united with Christ. 


5. Illness reminds you that heaven is coming. (Eph. 1:11-14) We have an glorious inheritance ahead of us! The trials of today seem eternal. But they are not. If sickness can wean us from our attachment to the world and help us long for heaven, then it is producing great fruit in us. This future-oriented perspective makes us more effective in life and ministry.

I have wrestled with the purpose of my own extended season of chronic illness. I’ve frequently wondered, “How would my isolation and illness possibly be of more use than health?” But this season is not wasted. Not for you and not for me. In fact, you may look back on it and find that it was the most fruitful, growing season in your life. Take heart. God is using this difficulty in ways you cannot yet see.

Take Me Back to the Good Ol' Days

“Wish we could turn back time to the good old days…” Twenty One Pilots

All of us have natural tendencies to be past, present, or future oriented. None of these ways of looking at the world are wrong in and of themselves. In fact, unique perspectives provide different strengths and insights into life. Diversity is a beautiful thing.

Over the last few years of chronic illness and difficulties, I’ve identified a strong tendency to be past-oriented. I look back five or more years ago and remember how great life was—how much I enjoyed work, people, and life. I remember how passionate and eager I was to impact the world.

Those were the “good ol’ days”.

There is wisdom in remembering the past. God often warned Israel that their complaining and unfaithfulness was due to forgetting. But interestingly, the Israelites were actually looking back and remembering something. Yet not in the way God intended:

“And the whole congregation of the people of Israel grumbled against Moses and Aaron in the wilderness, and the people of Israel said to them, “Would that we had died by the hand of the Lord in the land of Egypt, when we sat by the meat pots and ate bread to the full, for you have brought us out into this wilderness to kill this whole assembly with hunger.” Exodus 16:2-3

Israel looked back on their slavery, and all they could see was that they had plenty of food. They looked back on their bondage with a type of nostalgia that it was better than their current circumstances. Instead of seeing God's faithfulness in delivering them, they could only focus on their perceived losses.

I'm far too like the Israelites than I'd care to admit. In my efforts to look back and remember something happy, I’m not always considering God’s faithfulness, but rather using it as an excuse to gripe about my current circumstances (this isn’t fair) or bemoan in self-pity (why me?).

“And the people complained in the hearing of the Lord about their misfortunes, and when the Lord heard it, his anger was kindled, and the fire of the Lord burned among them and consumed some outlying parts of the camp.” Numbers 11:1

God’s anger burned against Israel in their complaining and caused some of them to die! That’s pretty strong. But they still didn't relent...

“And the people of Israel also wept again and said, “Oh that we had meat to eat! We remember the fish we ate in Egypt that cost nothing, the cucumbers, the melons, the leeks, the onions, and the garlic. But now our strength is dried up, and there is nothing at all but this manna to look at.” Numbers 11:4b-6

If you battle chronic illness, you know how tempting it is to look back on how life was before and to long for that again. Wanting to be healthy or involved in normal life is not wrong. Grieving the loss is ok. Maintaining hope for healing is crucial. But if looking back to how life was before sickness leads you to complain and get angry with God, that is not the kind of remembering God intends. It is sin.

I struggle with this too. Life is not how I would like it, and it’s easy for me to get stuck seeing all the negative. If you've been there, the gospel gives us hope if we confess our sin of complaining. We don't have to face the the anger of the Lord because Jesus bore His wrath on our behalf. But God didn't save us to let us remain in our sin. He graciously brings conviction that we might turn away from it and turn to Him, finding freedom and hope.

As we look to the past, let's be careful that we are remembering God’s faithfulness and goodness, leading to gratitude, and not complaining about our losses.

"I will remember the deeds of the Lord; yes, I will remember your wonders of old. I will ponder all your work, and meditate on your mighty deeds." Psalm 77:11-12