God's Care through Chronic Illness

“And if not He is still good.”

I considered purchasing a shirt or mug with this phrase during my 4 years of Lyme and co-infection treatment. After multiple doctors, medications, endless bloodwork, and thousands of dollars in supplements and treatments, I was fearful that another treatment would just be agony and not effective.

(Side note: not everyone knows that Lyme treatment is worse than the actual miserable symptoms. I faced my worst depression and suicidal thinking during treatment.)

In the pain, I wrestled with the question that if God didn’t heal me, if my quality of life stayed exactly the same for my lifetime, could He could still be good? Did God still love me if my pain, fatigue, and despair never improved? Could I make it through life in this misery? I cried in anger wondering what God was up to. I took that anger to God, while frequently not believing it made a difference. But I kept crying out because I was desperate.

And He gently, patiently, lovingly reminded me of His care for me. 

Care in His provision of treatment. 

Care in His provision of an amazing doctor. 

Care in His provision of loving family and friends. 

And many other ways...

I’ve never been content with my chronic illness. And I don’t believe God asked me to be. I think that longing for wholeness points me towards heaven. But I did learn that His sustaining grace was evidence of His goodness to me. I’ve learned to trust Him in the dark. So today, while facing pain from a lot of physical and mental work last week, I’m looking at how far I’ve come, and reminding myself that He is still good. Yesterday. Today. Tomorrow. And forever.