Hope and Help for Chronic Illness Study Guide

Below is a free resource I wrote for personal and group use. This six week study will help you walk through the Hope and Help for Chronic Illness booklet with a friend or small group. Geared towards those suffering, this study guide provides discussion questions, truths to focus on throughout the week, simple homework, and practical application.

Free to download, so spread the word!

Hope and Help for Chronic Illness Study Guide

Starting Lyme Treatment... Again

“Can I survive starting Lyme treatment all over again?”

I’ve been wrestling through this for the last few weeks, after I found out that two of my infections, Lyme and Babesia, are still active. It explains a lot of my ongoing symptoms, but it is discouraging since I treated hardcore for a few years and saw much improvement. Chronic illness is a roller coaster.

Facing another antibiotics round and then a long-term herbal protocol is something I definitely didn’t see coming, especially as I look towards my next decade of life.

But here I am again, staring at this one month supply of different antibiotics. I know my immune system is much more stable today than 4.5 years ago when I started Lyme treatment and that this will help. Even still, fear, anxiety, dread, grief hit in waves.

Is God good, even if He asks me to repeat the thing that I previously found to be the darkest season of life?

Yes, because God gives grace for each difficult moment, as I’ve experienced again and again.

So here I am, acknowledging, “not my will but Yours be done”, knowing that as God asks me to walk through treatment again, He will be faithful. I’m entrusting the unknowns of my life, health, and financial burden of treatment, to Jesus—my great Provider.

And so I can walk forward in faith, confident that Jesus will not lead me through anything He hasn’t already walked through (Heb. 4:15-16), and that He will never leave me. 

Today’s pain is temporary, but my hope is eternal.

I lost some of the best years of my life.

Chronic illness smacked me upside the head, and suddenly my life was gone. My dreams, hopes, and aspirations vanished. I didn’t know who I was or what I was doing anymore.

During 5 years of pursuing root diagnoses and working through various treatments, I remained stuck with very little life. As a type-A firstborn, you can imagine how infuriating this was to me. At one point in treatment I couldn't work at all. I mostly slept and forced myself to shower, cook food occasionally, or do dishes; all slow, difficult tasks at the time. I couldn’t run a quick errand without crashing for the rest of the day. Everything was miserable. 

Looking back over my twenties, it sometimes feels like part of my life was stolen. Your twenties are supposed to be time of learning, exploring, and making an impact. It’s probably the best part of life… at least the season you have the most energy, drive, enthusiasm, and ambition.

And yet here I was, in bed, not sure how I could make it another day.

What about you? Do you feel like you’ve lost some of the best years of your life too?

It’s excruciatingly difficult, no matter what you're facing. And yet for me, that season of extreme weakness, isolation, and massive limitations made me reconsider my purpose and my identity in ways I never had. 

Honestly, I still don’t know where I'm going in the next 10 years. My life is still slower than most, despite gradual healing. But I do know this: My God is faithful and does not waste anything. 

The years of extreme pain and debilitating fatigue are not for nothing, because my Father is a redeeming God (Joel 2:25, Psalm 126:5). My pain has been God’s method of grace to me, softening my rough edges, producing grace and compassion, and helping me see eternity for what it is. The detour has been my road. A painful and rocky one, yes. But one filled with countless evidence of God’s love and care, if I can only look hard enough to see past the pain. 

That’s what He wants you to see too--His nearness and gentleness and care. And then watch Him redeem the years you lost, and find that gain to be even better.

“And somehow every unexpected climb

Makes Your goodness that much harder to deny

You’ve been good to me I am safe to hope

I will dare to believe when the way is long and slow

And I am full of doubt but You are kind and close

I will trust the detour is the road

This time will not be wasted

All the sorrow I have tasted

You sing hope across the valley of my tears

Sometimes love looks like delay

But You walk me through the wait

And I am learning laughter even here

You are with me here”

The Detour from the album Faithful, various artists

Living with Scars

My body doesn’t heal as well as it should. 

I have a scar on my ankle from scratching myself with a large stick 8 months ago. Yes, a stick.

I laugh, but sometimes I'm a little frustrated with the reminders that my body has not healed from chronic illness yet. The scars still remind me of what a long, difficult journey this has been, and point out my ongoing lack. 

What about you? Do your scars discourage you too?

Maybe you still feel a twinge of pain whenever something reminds you of past hurt. 

Perhaps Christmas is still a difficult reminder of the loss of a loved one. 

No matter how hard you try, maybe your health just won’t improve.

Despite desperate attempts, your marriage or another important relationship remains broken.

It might be your choices that have reaped pain for you, or those you love. 

Or maybe you just experienced loss in general in 2020, and this empty Christmas season vividly reminds you of it.

Often we hide our scars, feeling shame or guilt. We force a smile and pretend they don't exist. We wish they would just disappear. Yet they just continue to remind us of the brokenness of life even when buried deep within.

I wish I could tell you that your scars will go away. But that would be naive. It's possible they may continue to remind you of past hurt. But that doesn't mean healing can't take place. A scar is much different from an open wound that gushes blood every time it's hit again.

Jesus wants to bring healing to your wounds. He desires to take those places of brokenness, pain, and heartache and transform it into something beautiful. Your pain does not have to define you.

"The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit." Ps. 34:18

Your scars can be transformed into something beautiful. They can enable you to reach others you would never be able to understand or have compassion towards. Your particular scars provide a unique opportunity for you to love and minister to others who are hurting.

But first you need some healing. Emmanuel (God with us) comes near to dwell with YOU. He wants to comfort and heal your heart.

Will you come to Him?

Life is Hard: Facing the Tough Things with Hope

When I was young, I was scared of suffering and persecution. I wondered if I could stay faithful to Christ under torture. I wanted to follow God, but I questioned if I could endure physical pain, isolation, or rejection, should that come my way.

I loved my home, my family, my comfort, and my community, and I didn't want to lose it.

But in a heartbeat, everything changed. The community I was deeply invested in and trusted, turned on me and my family. Betrayal stung deeper than physical pain. Grief clung like a shadow, reminding me every time I looked at it, of deep loss.

Yet it didn't end. Then came chronic illness. Worsening symptoms for no apparent reason, extreme limitations and pain when I tried to do things I loved, brought more loss and grief. Everything about me, everything that defined me, was suddenly gone. 

I didn't even know who I was anymore. I wanted to give up on God, on my faith. Nothing seemed worth it. 

Faithfulness to Christ hasn't meant a life of abandon on the mission field currently, as I frequently envisioned as a child. It hasn't required prison time, secret church meetings, beatings, or torture. No, but following Christ has still been far more difficult than I imagined... 

It's meant clinging to Christ when everyone in our church turned on us. 

It's meant doing what was right when things were incredibly wrong and unjust. 

It's meant facing hurt and betrayal so deep from people we called friends that it left permanent scars. 

It's meant enduring horrible physical pain and fatigue and isolation.

It's meant walking through lyme and co-infection treatment that I felt would kill me.

It's meant battling my deepest fears and hurt and not denouncing God. 

It's meant experiencing the darkest hopelessness and not taking my own life.

It's meant not rejecting God even though I wanted to blame him for everything horrible that happened.

Those things display a little of what taking up my cross has looked like for me. Most of my suffering has been in silence. It's come from the church, not outside God-haters. It's been in the isolation due to infections in my body, not isolated imprisonment by others. The "backwardness" of my suffering caused me to question everything I believed.

What hard things has God asked you to walk through? Maybe it's not the the pain of persecution or torture. But that doesn't mean it's not just as hard. 

Whatever pain and heartache you wrestle with matters to God. Your questions, anger, and doubt are met with grace and compassion. Scars may remain, but you can experience healing. The trials are God's way of reclaiming your heart, revealing areas where you love something else more than Him. And in that difficult, sanctifying work of suffering, Jesus shines brighter:

"We are afflicted in every way, but not crushed; perplexed, but not driven to despair; persecuted, but not forsaken; struck down, but not destroyed; always carrying in the body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be manifested in our bodies." 2 Cor. 4:8-10

Your suffering produces a beautiful reflection of Christ in you and makes you more sensitive to the hurting people around you. It can help you to love betters and stay focused on what really matters.

And that is a value greater than diamonds.

When Fear Threatens to Take Over

I woke up with a few itchy hives, and fear battled for control of my thoughts. Normally hives wouldn't be a source of fear, but after 15 weeks of chronic hives, my mind immediately spins:

What if they don’t go away? What if they get really severe again?

It was a nightmare. Several months ago, a few random hives started up for unknown reasons. I thought they'd go away. But after gradually getting worse over a few weeks, I knew something wasn't right.

After a severe, painful hives explosion that I thought might send me to the ER (during COVID), my doctor prescribed several meds that I’ve been on for around 10 weeks now. And they made a huge difference. I thought the hives were pretty much gone.

But today fear and panic set the tone for my day when a handful of hives bugged me again (even with meds).

Life is hard, and so much is outside of our control. One day I’m making it just fine and proud of my health progress, the next day pain and fatigue take over and I’m helplessly crying again, discouraged about my limitations.

Weakness threatens all forms of self-sufficiency. It combats pride in my success or accomplishments. It tells me, “you can’t do this.” And that's when fear laughs.

Fear, in and of itself, is not wrong. But as Paul Tripp says, it makes a very bad master. Fear can drive me to despair and hopelessness. 

Or it can point me to the One where true hope is found.

When my lack of control stares me in the face and I don’t know what next week or even tomorrow will look like, I have to consciously stop the spiral of fearful thoughts and choose to focus on what’s true today: 

God is in control. 

He is faithful. 

My life might be hard, but He is still good. 

God has not left me alone.

While I don’t know what will happen tomorrow and whether my health will see improvement or another crisis, I know there will be sufficient grace then. Manna grace as I like to think of it—the kind Israel experienced in the day-by-day provision of their most basic needs. Not the kind of grace that takes us out of the hard, but the kind of grace we actually need.

So while my life hasn’t looked like I “planned”, and even though healing still includes ups and downs, God is still there. He has not left me. He is not wasting my pain—but redeeming it, somehow. He will not allow anything that is not for my benefit.

It may not be what I want. But somehow, it will still be good.

And that’s what I’m clinging to today.

To those stuck at home....

This has been a crazy time across our nation, with many stay at home orders in place. Perhaps you’re feeling frustrated, stir crazy, unproductive, or limited.

Maybe it’s not because you need to do anything, but your lack of ability to choose where you go or what you do makes you feel stuck.

I get that.

For a year and a half, I was stuck at home in the intensity of chronic lyme + co-infection treatment. Venturing out of my home once a week was a sign of a good week, and usually only for an hour or two, to run an errand or make it to church.

I despised the “stuck” feeling, yet my pain, fatigue, and constantly fluctuating symptoms made it extremely unmotivating to go out. Feeling paralyzed and purposeless, clinging to hope in the slow treatment season was incredibly difficult.

My body was my limitation and it kept me from doing everything I wanted to do.

Today, most of us are stuck at home to some extent. As we're limited in what we can do, let's allow that to increase our compassion for our friends and family members whose limitations keep them from getting out most of the time. That stuck feeling you feel right now? They face it too. That fear of not knowing exactly when this will end? They battle that daily.

Except unlike COVID-19, those with chronic illness have no guarantee it will end. Will this be the rest of life? It could be. They walk moment-by-moment, getting just enough “manna” to make it through the day, not knowing how they can do it again tomorrow.

And somehow, they still do. Because God's grace is sufficient (2 Cor. 12:8-10).

His grace is sufficient for you in this season of job loss, sickness, and unknowns. And it is sufficient for the friend or family member stuck at home with chronic illness.

You now have a fresh understanding of the pain and frustration those with chronic illness face daily. You may not have the exact same struggles, but God can use this season of unknown to cultivate grace in your heart for others.

So love those around you. Be patient and gentle (Rom. 12:10, Eph. 4:2). Extend grace. You can’t always see the internal battles others face.

While you’re waiting to get back to normal life, remember that the chronically ill are desperate to get back any semblance of normal life too. They hate being stuck as much as you.

Let's remember that uncertainty, weakness, and limitations are meant to direct us to the One who has no limitations or needs. They're meant to remind us that we are not self-sufficient. The frustration you feel today is part of life in a broken world. In the unknowns of the future and the limitations of today, may we find God faithful and good--more than ever before.

"May you be strengthened with all power, according to His glorious might, for all endurance and patience with joy, giving thanks to the Father, who has qualified you to share in the inheritance of the saints in light."

Colossians 1:11-12

Holding Out Hope

What are you holding out hope for?

We all grasp for hope in some form, because that’s how we’re wired. And right now, with a pandemic sweeping the nation, we're all holding out hope for things to go back to normal.

Just like winter holds out hope of spring, I’ve been holding out hope too. Hope that I would reach some semblance of “normal life” again.

Not normal in same category of my energy and life pre-chronic illness. But not “stuck in bed half the day after a grocery store run” either. Not pain that causes me to stop everything. Just the ability to work and to enjoy life again.

And I’m slowly getting there.

It's a long journey, and not without extreme challenges--continually learning to pace, how to handle "crash days", riding the rollercoaster of daily symptoms (which are milder overall, but not gone), and facing the emotional toll of life with limitations. I'm learning that the journey to healing is a challenge in and of itself.

Countless questions run through my head. Fear can overwhelm and direct those thoughts and questions.

And I bet you feel that right now too, in some way.

If you're desperately longing for hope and feeling like nothing is ever going to work, please don’t give up yet. Let's walk on this journey together. And may we find that as we face our deepest fears and hardest days, God is near. Underneath our cold, wintery exteriors, God gently softens our hearts, bringing healing where there is hurt and brokenness.

Just like winter begins to melt and bright buds spark excitement, bringing hope that the dreary winter will not last forever, hope is within reach for you too.

Will you draw near with me to the One who IS hope?

“The Lord is my portion,” says my soul, “therefore I will hope in him.” Lamentations 3:24

Looking Back... (health update!)

I have walked through some very dark nights in my battle with Lyme disease + several co-infections, a developing autoimmune disease, chronic gut infections, mold toxicity, and detox issues. It's been a long journey, including 5 years of ongoing diet, supplement, and medication adjustments, and 2.5 years of rigorous Lyme/co-infection treatment.

Over two years ago I wrote my first post on my chronic illness journey. Looking back now, I'm remembering what I've been through and grateful for where God has brought me, even if it's not complete healing.

Because over the last several years, there have been many restless nights where I was incredibly exhausted, yet couldn’t sleep.

I have experienced stomach pain so severe, I curled up in a ball moaning, feeling like I might die.

I have faced extreme pain and fatigue to the extent I couldn’t even get words out.

I have had fatigue and brain fog so bad I couldn't do anything but stare into space.

I experienced what it was like for doctors to not really believe me or think that I just needed anti-depressants.

I have battled extreme hopelessness, thinking my life had no value and would never improve, to the point that I desperately wanted to take my own life.

I have angrily cried out at God, blaming Him for how He treated me and questioning His goodness and care.

I have battled paralyzing fear.

Honestly, many of these emotions and struggles resurfaced when I started IV treatments in November that significantly increased my pain and fatigue (for a solid 2 months straight). Eighteen IVs later, I'm finally feeling hopeful again about the gradual improvement I've seen.

Yes, I still have pain and inflammation daily (autoimmune repercussions that will linger), but much less severely. I still have to stop and rest or take breaks, but I can get through most days without having to lay down. I still have to pace myself, but I can do things again. May sound small, but this is such a huge, encouraging improvement!

Remembering where I've come and how God has been faithful keeps me moving forward right now. Because I'm still not where I wish I could be. But I'm also not where I was.

For those of you still deep in the darkness of night, wondering how you’ll ever make it through—I don't want to discourage you or minimize your pain. I also don't mean to cast a false idea that my life is wonderful (it's not). But may I encourage you today? Your circumstances may be hard, but hope comes as we remember...

Remember God’s faithfulness (Deut. 7:9, Ps. 40:11).
Remember God’s loving care to you right now (Ps. 56:8, 1 Pet. 5:7).
Remember that joy will come again (Ps. 30:5).
Remember that this will end (2 Cor. 4:16-18).
Remember the gospel—hope bigger than your circumstances (1 Pet. 1:3-9).

This is the hope I'm breathing when life tells me all is hopeless. Will you join me in remembering and resting in the faithfulness of God?

Broken, but Beautiful

You thought things were going okay, when suddenly you find yourself sinking under the weight of loss, struggles, pain, your past, or life changes. You don't even know what just happened. All you know is that you feel terribly broken.

The disciples felt something like this on the boat during a huge storm. They were sure they were going to sink, and Jesus was going to sleep through it. Get this: they had Jesus, the Lord over the wind and waves, with them... but the storm threatened, and they freaked out, yelling at Jesus, "We're dying!" (Luke 8:22-25)

I resonate with the disciples' plight. I have a heavenly Father who walks with me through every moment of pain and difficulty, and yet sometimes I freak out or blame Him for the pain. I might even say something similar the disciples, "What are you doing God? I'm gonna die."

Do you ever feel this way?

The journey towards healing--whether that's from painful past hurt, chronic health problems, or your own life choices, is a long, strenuous one. We all walk through deep brokenness, and it impacts each of us in different, but weighty, ways.

Sometimes that brokenness leaves us feeling empty and without words. No one understands. We know we need to cast the burden on the Father, but we can't even munger up any words. That's ok. You can still cry out:

"God, help me. I can't do this."

God is there. He hears your cry and He answers. The Spirit intercedes for you with groanings to deep for words (Rom. 8:26). Wow, let that one seep in! As you cry out, allow God to comfort your heart (Ps. 94:19, 18:2). He is near to the brokenhearted (Ps. 34:18).

Another powerful truth: God not only wants to comfort you in your pain, but He wants to use your brokenness for good. It may enable you to reach a person you could have never reached before. It may give you grace and sympathy for others who are struggling. Your pain demonstrates this incredible reality:

"But we have this treasure in jars of clay, to show that the surpassing power belongs to God and not to us." 2 Cor. 4:7

I've heard it explained that the imagery of us being "clay pots" implies that we're easily chipped or broken. But that's how God does His best work. He uses the things that are weak, the things others would overlook, to showcase His strength.

So let God work through you, a broken vessel, perfecting you and revealing His power (2 Cor. 12:9). When life is crushing, remember that He is producing beauty in and through your brokenness. Cry out to Him in your weakness, and let Him demonstrate His power.

He will use you more powerfully than you can imagine.

To the one who wants to die....

I see you there, wrestling with the deep pain, trauma, and heartache.
I see the anger rising up when you think about what's been done to you.
I see the extreme pain and fatigue in your eyes from chronic illness.
I see the fear when you meet a new person, wondering if you can actually trust them.
I see the cynicism and hopelessness as you look toward the future.
I see you longing for some inkling of hope, afraid to admit your deep struggle with depression and suicidal thinking.

Can I sit with you a minute?

I know I can't write anything to take away your pain--physical, mental, or emotional. I know I can't fix it. I can't make life better. I can't even promise that this life will get better, as hard as that is to say. But I can offer a hand and a few words of hope, if you'll give me a chance.

In darkness and hopelessness, there seems to be no way out. But catch a glimpse of this:

"Hopelessness is the only doorway to hope." Paul Tripp, Suffering

How is this possible?

You see, hopelessness actually pushes us to decide where to place our hope. It destroys the places we thought brought hope, but really were empty. Only when we let go of our semblance of control and abandon the false securities and temporary fixes, can we find true hope.

Hopelessness then becomes the doorway between false hope and real hope.

It's ok to wrestle. It's ok to cry out, "How long, O Lord? Will you forget me forever?" (Ps. 13:1-2).  But God longs for that despair to turn us from hope in ourselves to the only place of true, lasting hope. As David ends his cries in Psalm 13:

"But I have trusted in your steadfast love;
my heart shall rejoice in your salvation.
I will sing to the Lord,
because he has dealt bountifully with me."

Your heart may not be in a place of singing or rejoicing right now. And that's ok. But keep clinging to Christ in the dark. Don't give up. Let that hopelessness remind you that there's only One who can provide eternal hope. Hope that does not disappoint (Rom. 5:5).

Today's hard has purpose (2 Cor. 4:17). The depression and pain has a set end (Ps. 34:19, 1 Pet. 5:10). God has promised and He is faithful (Heb. 10:23). Land on that.

Praying you find hope today in Him.


*In light of national suicide prevention month, this was written out of a desire to bring hope to those who struggle with suicidal thinking. This is written from my own wrestlings to cling to hope throughout deep challenges in chronic illness. 

A Good Life

A year ago today I was speaking truth to my heart through tears, hopelessness, and despair.

I desperately wanted life to end, but knew I couldn’t take mine. So I cried out to God, asking why life was so insanely hard. My birthday was full of reminders of broken relationships, broken dreams, and a broken body.

So many times I have questioned the purpose of the last four years of chronic illness and hard circumstances. I've angrily asked God why He took my dreams from me--good dreams of ministry and service to Him. I've wrestled to find purpose in deep pain and loss. I've doubted that my life had any value.

In the pain and heartache last year, I wrote this:

"God isn’t looking for my success. He wants my faithfulness. Right now, in this season, life looks significantly different from what I expected. But that doesn’t mean that my life is a waste. And neither is yours."

Life still isn't what I hoped. My life has been redirected and redefined.

And that's ok.

Everyone reaches a point where dreams die or sorrows swallow. A broken, sin-cursed world causes everything to be laced with pain. The only way to survive those seasons of unbelievable grief or loss is through Christ holding you.

I still have daily reminders that I am limited. Pain and fatigue quickly grab hold and threaten to take over my day. Fear can cause me to wonder if my goals are stupid and unrealistic and will set me back again. Countless questions run through my mind as I slowly heal and consider what next. What will my life will be like for the next month, 6 months, or year? I don't know, but I don't have to know it all.

Despite questions, unknowns, and wrestlings, I have much more hope than I did a year ago! God has carried me through my deepest difficulties I've yet known, when I didn't think I could make it. I have seen progress in my health that I didn't think was possible. I have goals I'm working towards and things I can do now that were unimaginable a couple years ago.

Your hopes for life may be crushed, but God believes that your life has purpose and can be pleasing to Him. Right here and now. Your life may have changed, but He has not. There is a source of hope and even joy that can be found amidst great heartache.

So keep pressing forward. Keep creating goals. Keep looking for ways to bless others. Keep looking up. A good life is not defined by accomplishments, success, or the approval of others, but by faithfulness and dependence on God. 

That is an attainable goal today.

With a Mountain Before You

Do you ever argue with God?

"I can't do this...."
"What you're asking is too much...."
"This is impossible...."

Sometimes life just doesn't make sense to us, and we grapple to find hope or purpose when there's a mountain before us. Much-Afraid, in Hinds' Feet for High Places, showcases the same struggle:

“Oh Shepherd, you said you would make my feet like hinds’ feet and set me upon High Places.”

“Well,” he answered cheerily, “the only way to develop hinds’ feet is to go by the path which the hinds use—like this one.”

Much-Afraid trembled and looked at him shamefacedly. “I don’t think...I want...hinds’ feet, if it means I have to go on a path like that,” she answered painfully.

“Oh yes you do,” he answered cheerfully. “I know you better than you know yourself, Much-Afraid. You want it very much indeed, and I promise you these hinds’ feet.

“But I never dreamed you would do anything like this! Lead me to an impassable precipice up which nothing can go but deer and goats, when I’m no more like a deer or a goat than is a jellyfish… Why it’s too preposterously absurd! Whatever will you do next?”

“I love doing preposterous things,” the Shepherd replied, “Why, I don’t know anything more exhilarating and delightful than turning weakness into strength, and fear into faith, and that which has been marred into perfection.”
- Hinds’ Feet on High Places, Hannah Hurnard

Like Much-Afraid. sometimes it seems like God asks too much of me—that it's "preposterous". Or at times, I don't desire the end result enough to motivate me through the painful process.

But you know what's comforting in the midst of the mountains we don't want to climb?

It's not up to us.

While that can seem incredibly discouraging to our control-crazy selves, this is actually a wonderful benefit to us.

God always provides circumstances what will be best for us in the long-run. Not temporarily easy circumstances or perhaps what we want. But He is a loving Father who always does things for our good. He sees all, while we see only a tiny portion. God's not punishing us; He's doing what He knows will bring the greatest good.

If we surrender our wills and let Him gently push us in areas we don't want to go, we will bear greater fruit and benefit in our lives than we ever thought possible.

Let's trust Him. Let's rest in His goodness and care. That mountain may feel impossible, but God delights in revealing His strength in the impossible.

One Year Anniversary of Hope and Help for Chronic Illness!

This month marks the one year anniversary of Hope and Help for Chronic Illness! This was my first published writing endeavor, so it is a sweet memory for me.

I'm still in awe of how God orchestrated the writing and publishing of that booklet (read more of the story here).

You see, I too was given the hard blessing of chronic illness. But through the most difficult years, I have experienced God’s sustaining grace in deeper ways than ever before. And so I am thankful.

If you are facing chronic illness, my heart goes out to you. It is not an easy road. You may wonder if you will make it another day, or another week. But the hands that are holding you are strong, and will not fail you. There is hope in the pain.

If you or someone you know battles chronic illness, could I encourage you to look into Hope and Help for Chronic Illness?

You can purchase from Amazon, Focus Publishing, or Christianbook.com.

Also, check out the recent booklet review on the Biblical Counseling Coalition.

When Trusting Jesus Isn't Sweet

“Life is pain, highness. Anyone who says differently is selling something.” 
- The Princess Bride

It's funny... and yet piercingly true, right?

Life in a broken world overflows with difficulty. Pain. Heartache. Disappointment. Broken relationships. Failed health. Crushed dreams.

Have you found that trusting Jesus is more terrifying and even agonizing than you ever imagined? That the joy you were told trust would produce is not the reality in your heart?

You're not alone. This is a common struggle, especially in long seasons of suffering.

It isn’t easy to trust in the dark, to surrender our will and release control. Yet in the darkness, God  becomes our light (Ps. 112:4, 18:28). He longs to bring us to a place of security and rest much more satisfying than our push for our own little kingdoms.

Today, trusting Jesus doesn’t have to be "sweet". You don't have to fake happiness and joy. It's ok to wrestle or grieve the pain you encounter. Give yourself grace to process and time to learn trust in the caring Father.

But even in your wrestling, keep clinging to God's promises. 

Actively choose to trust His goodness, despite the deep pain and heartache (Ps. 28:7). Even though it may feel like He is against you, remind yourself of the truth that He is always for His children (Rom. 8:31). That everything He does is good (Ps. 119:68). Find truth that you can rest your life on and hold onto it with everything you have. Run to the Father who loves you and walks with you:

"Suffering can decimate your faith and leave you with life-altering doubts about the goodness and power of God. So in your suffering, doubt is a battle worth fighting. Remember, you never fight this battle alone but with the strength that is yours because of the presence and power of the One who gave his life so that you would have everything you need even in the darkest of moments in this fallen world. Cry out to your Lord. He hears; he really does. Run to him; he cares and will not turn his back on you in your moment of need." Paul Tripp 

Through that wrestling and clinging in the darkness, God does His deepest, most beautiful work. He gently brings your heart to a place of rest. So even if today trusting Jesus isn't sweet, one day you will be able to sing:

'Tis so sweet to trust in Jesus,
Just to take Him at His Word
Just to rest upon His promise,
Just to know, "Thus saith the Lord!"
Jesus, Jesus, how I trust Him!
How I've proved Him o'er and o'er
Jesus, Jesus, precious Jesus!
Oh, for grace to trust Him more!
-'Tis So Sweet to Trust in Jesus

Oh for grace to trust Him more. We all need that grace today.

Stuck in a Life You Didn't Choose

What are you facing today that you never would have asked for?

If we're honest, we all encounter circumstances in life we despise and desperately wish we could get out of.

For me, despite seeing some health improvement from a couple years of chronic lyme + co-infection treatment, I still have autoimmune issues that aren't improving yet. After thousands of dollars of investments in immune support, endless supplements, special diets, detox protocols, and more, this is a very discouraging reality.

In those moments, anxiety and fear can take over my mind and paralyze me. I could stay stuck in the "what-ifs" and hopelessness, refusing to move forward in life. Or I can cling to what is true and find ways to hold to hope in my reality.

So what is true? When you’re stuck living a life you would never choose, what do you do?

• Grieve. Yes, when you face the brokenness of life, it's right to grieve. The curse is deep and far-reaching. Don't bury your emotions, take them to the Father.
• Trust. Your heavenly Father knows best and only does what is good for you. Believe that even when circumstances seem to contradict it.
• Cling. Hold to hope. Rest in the solid Rock who won't let you down no matter how many people or circumstances do.
• Seek. Look for evidences of God's grace to you. Find joy in the little things. Remind yourself of what you have instead of dwelling on what you don't. Grasp any form of joy you can find.
• Just keep swimming. In Finding Nemo, Dory's optimism (naiive or not) keep her and Marlin searching for Nemo when Marlin's fear paralyzes him. It's terrifying to think of making decisions or moving forward when the weight of life or limitations suffocates. But we must continue to do what we can and "keep swimming," instead of giving up.

Being stuck in a life you didn't choose can leave you feeling hopeless. But Paul Tripp has an interesting insight:

"So it is with suffering; it never leaves you the same. You run into the traps of temptation that greet every sufferer and are left with a cruel harvest in your heart and relationships, or you run toward the comforts of grace, which shine most brightly in the darkness of suffering, and reap a harvest of blessing. Yes, you may continue to suffer, or its effects may remain, but you now live with a changed heart, a sturdier faith, and a joy that suffering cannot take away." Paul Tripp

Where do you find yourself today? Are you left with the "cruel harvest" of bitterness, cynicism, and hopelessness? Or has God's grace done a work in your heart?

If you, like me, find yourself on either side of the spectrum depending on the day, continue to press in and find comfort and strength in the arms of the Father. You may not have chosen your life, but God has, and His ways are always good. Perhaps they don't feel good, but they will reap good fruit if you will humbly submit yourself to His plan. He will not waste your suffering.

Loyal Love

Fear has a way of creeping into our relationships.

It causes us to question people's intentions, to doubt their loyalty, and to push others away to protect ourselves from getting hurt. It makes us unwilling to address conflict. It causes us to react to the tiniest slight or hint of rejection. It evokes anger when someone tries to take what we desperately try to protect. It keeps us from being real or honest with people. It causes us to cling to bitterness when we are deeply hurt.

If we're honest, fear keeps us from loving others.

I too have some very difficult past experiences of betrayal and rejection that still try to impact the way I view myself and others. It takes God's ongoing work of grace in my heart to keep me from living out of fear. So what truth enables me to move past my own fears and love other people more than I long to protect myself from hurt?

I must remember: I can only love others when I rest in the loyal love of God.

God's love for His children is utterly loyal. It is not based on our performance. When we doubt Him or get angry at Him, He doesn't turn away from us. He doesn't give up on us when we sin. He doesn't treat us the way we so often treat others. He pursues us relentlessly. Even when we are unfaithful, He remains faithful (2 Tim. 2:13).

More faithful than the rising sun
This grace for me I can't outrun
Your love is, Your love is
Your love is loyal
You are always there for me
You listen every time I speak
You look into my eyes
See the things I hide
And say that You will never leave
Your promises I can not break
And I know You will never change
-Loyal, Lauren Daigle

This is the One who never fails us. The only perfect, unchanging, loyal friend. Only when we rest in His love can we live without fear. We can find solid ground, because even when other people hurt or fail us, it is not the end of life. No betrayal or rejection (however ugly) can completely defeat us. No matter how badly we are hurt, we have One who will never fail. This love will not let go. What security that brings!

Rest in God's loyal love to you today.

 "May the Lord direct your hearts to the love of God and to the steadfastness of Christ." 

2 Thessalonians 3:5

Dare to Hope

Life in a broken world is filled with challenges and disappointments. People disappoint us, circumstances disappoint us, we disappoint ourselves... and if we're really honest, at times we feel like God disappoints us.

Hope, therefore, is a crucial part of life. It offers perspective and motivation beyond current pain or challenges, just like a mother can endure the pain of childbirth because she knows the reward of holding her baby will be worth it.

But recurring, failed hope crushes us. "Hope deferred makes the heart sick" (Pr. 13:12).

Has your hope been dashed again and again? Are you waiting on something that still hasn't come? Depression and hopelessness from delayed or failed hope can swallow us. I believe Jeremiah felt it too when he described his troubles in Lamentations:

"My soul is bereft of peace; I have forgotten what happiness is; so I say, 'My endurance has perished; so has my hope from the Lord.'" Lam. 3:17-18, ESV

It's not wrong to wrestle with hopelessness—it's part of living in a sin-cursed world. But if we stay stuck in the spiral of despair, we will lose motivation to live. 

Jeremiah gives us a beautiful example of what it means to speak the truth to your own heart in the midst of seeming impossibility:

"Yet I stil​l ​dare to hope when I remember this..." Lam. 3:21, NLT

Jeremiah's barely clinging to hope. His desperate circumstances probably make him feel like hope doesn't exist. Yet despite the hopelessness in and around him, he dares to hope in the steadfast love of God. In the One greater than the darkness surrounding him. In the One redeeming the worst of circumstances.

We too need this kind of tenacity. We need to desperately cling to hope outside of ourselves when things are at their worst. In spite of flailing emotions, we need to dare to hope in something, Someone, who is greater than our greatest fears or pain.

Whatever you're facing, dare to hope today in the steadfast love of God. He is the only source of hope that will never fail you.

Encountering Grace

Over the last few years, I can't count the number of days I've thought, "I can't make it through another day." I can't depict how much pain, fatigue, depression, heartache, and struggles have defeated me. Yet amidst it, God's redemptive work has been evident. I've begun to more fully grasp the amazing reality of God's grace.

There's a simple, but powerful, sentence in James:

("He gives more grace" - James 4:6)

This is the most hopeful news we can hear today.

Think about it...
Are you stuck in a sin pattern?
Lying on your bed in pain... again?
Facing considerable problems at your job?
Experiencing challenges with your children?
Fighting an uphill battle in ministry?
Walking through hurt or a broken relationship?
Wondering how to persevere through the mundane or hard?

In all of that, God offers grace. To you. Right now.

The grace we are offered is not grace to "get out" of the circumstance or pain, as we often desperately want. Rather, it's the grace to face whatever is before us.

More than that, it's grace that doesn't run out. Grace that isn't based on our performance. That is the beauty of God's grace. But we have to acknowledge our need for it (Ps. 86:6). We need to humble ourselves and run to the throne of grace.

And as we do that, we find hope and rest.

He Gives More Grace
So how does this concept of grace apply to me today?

Because of God's grace....

- I don't have to fall into self-pity or despair when I’m exhausted, weary, or struggling. Instead, I can look up to Christ. His power is made perfect in my weakness (2 Cor. 12:9).
He gives more grace.

- I can battle my sin. Yes, I have to work at it, but I can't do it on my own (1 Cor. 15:10).
He gives more grace.

- I can run to the throne and find receive mercy and forgiveness when I fail (Heb. 4:16).
He gives more grace.

- I can stop looking to myself, my performance, or my righteousness, and look to Christ (2 Cor. 5:21). 
He gives more grace.

Let's not miss the grace that is offered to us today.

12 Things Your Chronically Ill Friend Wants You to Know

As someone who battles chronic illness, I know how difficult it can be to understand or explain everything going on physically, spiritually, and mentally. So from my personal experience and interaction with others, I wanted to share some things that may help you better understand what your friend or family member is going through.

12 things your chronically ill friend wants you to know:

1. We get lonely. Being stuck in the house, greatly limited in mobility, or lacking energy to make it through events/activities gets incredibly lonely. So a huge way you can help is to simply be a friend. Be willing to do boring things like sit beside us on the couch and listen or talk, watch a movie, read, fold laundry, or even cry with us. Those simple acts go a long way.

2. We don't want to be a burden. It's hard to ask for help on the same basic tasks when you've faced illness for several years. The church tends to do an excellent job at helping in crises, but has a harder time serving long-term. Offering to bring food, make freezer meals, clean the bathroom, do simple chores, pick up groceries, or drive to a doctor's appointment are lifesavers.

3. We’re afraid. The future is overwhelming and at times feels hopeless. We don't know if a new treatment will make any difference. We don't know if you (or our doctor) will believe us, especially when so many tests come back just "fine". We don't know whether our current state is lifelong, so we probably battle a lot of forms of fear.

4. We don’t know how to explain our symptoms. Most of our symptoms are invisible to the outside world, so it takes a lot of effort to communicate them. It's sweet and caring when you ask how we're feeling in a given hour or day. But sometimes it's overwhelming to answer because we can't verbalize how bad we really feel. Or sometimes we sugar-coat answers because we don't want to complain or make you feel sorry for us.

5. We don’t want to be sick. We aren’t making this up to get out of something or because we're lazy. On the contrary, a majority of chronic illness sufferers get to that chronic place because they’ve pushed and worked super hard to act normal for so long. It can also cause us to feel guilty we can’t provide for ourselves or contribute anything of value.

6. Plans stress us out. Not because we don't desperately want to do something with you, but because our symptoms come and go as they please. We can't predict how we'll feel on a given day and be able to push through, or whether we'll get nailed with a flare. So don't pressure us to do things; allow us to come and go, to choose activities, parties, or hang out with you when we can.

7. We can push through anything, but that doesn't mean it's wise. The chronically ill are amazing at pushing through commitments or doing things even when in a lot of pain. But that could mean they face repercussions for the next week with a magnified flare of symptoms. We have to use wisdom and pace ourselves so we don't worsen our symptoms unnecessarily or lengthen our healing process even more. It's a constant weighing of factors, which can lead to the next point...

8. We overthink. This is a common response when you're exhausted: to misinterpret people, overthink their responses or yours, to get frustrated or emotional about the tiniest of things. We overthink whether we should push and do something or whether that's a really unwise idea. We need gentle, patient friends who can help us discern things we overthink and can't interpret well.

9. We don’t know how to process emotions. Grief, anger, doubt, despair, and the countless emotions that come with the territory of chronic illness are paralyzing. Sometimes they make no logical sense or simply result from ongoing insomnia, pain, and fatigue. Be a gentle comforter and encourager to us when we are overwhelmed with emotions.

10. Our experiences are unique. Though many generalized symptoms hit those with chronic illness, particular symptoms and the way they affect us will vary, as will the struggles and temptations that come. Ask questions before making assumptions about us and how we're doing.

11. We lose hope. Hope is hard to hold onto in any form of ongoing suffering. We may even get to the point that we want to die. It’s hard to admit that. Don’t guilt-trip us for losing hope, direct us to the only place where lasting hope is found—in Jesus Christ.

12. We need prayer. The journey is long and hard. Even for those who are healing, it's full of ups and downs. Please be patient and pray for us—to persevere when we want to give up and to cling to Jesus when life is hard or hopeless.

This is not a comprehensive list, but I hope it provides some insight into what your chronically ill friend may be facing and how you can better serve them.