To the one who wants to die....

I see you there, wrestling with the deep pain, trauma, and heartache.
I see the anger rising up when you think about what's been done to you.
I see the extreme pain and fatigue in your eyes from chronic illness.
I see the fear when you meet a new person, wondering if you can actually trust them.
I see the cynicism and hopelessness as you look toward the future.
I see you longing for some inkling of hope, afraid to admit your deep struggle with depression and suicidal thinking.

Can I sit with you a minute?

I know I can't write anything to take away your pain--physical, mental, or emotional. I know I can't fix it. I can't make life better. I can't even promise that this life will get better, as hard as that is to say. But I can offer a hand and a few words of hope, if you'll give me a chance.

In darkness and hopelessness, there seems to be no way out. But catch a glimpse of this:

"Hopelessness is the only doorway to hope." Paul Tripp, Suffering

How is this possible?

You see, hopelessness actually pushes us to decide where to place our hope. It destroys the places we thought brought hope, but really were empty. Only when we let go of our semblance of control and abandon the false securities and temporary fixes, can we find true hope.

Hopelessness then becomes the doorway between false hope and real hope.

It's ok to wrestle. It's ok to cry out, "How long, O Lord? Will you forget me forever?" (Ps. 13:1-2).  But God longs for that despair to turn us from hope in ourselves to the only place of true, lasting hope. As David ends his cries in Psalm 13:

"But I have trusted in your steadfast love;
my heart shall rejoice in your salvation.
I will sing to the Lord,
because he has dealt bountifully with me."

Your heart may not be in a place of singing or rejoicing right now. And that's ok. But keep clinging to Christ in the dark. Don't give up. Let that hopelessness remind you that there's only One who can provide eternal hope. Hope that does not disappoint (Rom. 5:5).

Today's hard has purpose (2 Cor. 4:17). The depression and pain has a set end (Ps. 34:19, 1 Pet. 5:10). God has promised and He is faithful (Heb. 10:23). Land on that.

Praying you find hope today in Him.


*In light of national suicide prevention month, this was written out of a desire to bring hope to those who struggle with suicidal thinking. This is written from my own wrestlings to cling to hope throughout deep challenges in chronic illness.