When No One Understands

The car waved me on in front of them. I reluctantly stepped into the road, even though I wanted to wait for them to pass. I hated people watching me walk. I moved like a grandma with a cane instead of the quick young person I used to be. I could barely put one foot in front of the other. My legs felt like lead trying to lift them.

While I trudged across, the car honked at me for walking so slowly. I almost burst into tears, but managed to hold it together long enough to pick up my few items from the store before I completely crashed from the sensory overload and fatigue. I broke down crying when I got back to my car.

As embarrassing and discouraging as it was, having a stranger frustrated with me was nothing compared to times friends or family wondered if I was really as sick as I claimed. Was I just being dramatic? It is so difficult to explain chronic illness, and even harder for the people you know to understand.

Does it seem like you're alone too?
Do you ever feel as though no one understands what you’re going through?
Is your suffering so difficult that those around you can't seem to sympathize or help?

You’re not alone this Christmas.

While the Christmas story seems full of hope and joy and nostalgia, there were some very hard circumstances surrounding that historical account. Giving birth to the Son of God was not all joy and ease.

Think about Mary, the mother of Jesus. She was told she would carry the Messiah. This is the greatest and most humbling privilege in the world! And yet she was met with opposition and judgment. People thought she had been immoral. Her reputation was forever ruined. It was ugly, and she probably got a lot of side-glances as she walked down the road.

Sadly, she couldn't even explain to them, because they wouldn't believe her. There was nothing she could do to make them understand.

Jesus received the same response. The Savior of the world was not met with the honor and praise He deserved. He was mocked by the people He came to save (Mt. 13:55). He was despised and rejected by men (Is. 53:3). His own people wouldn’t receive Him (Jn. 1:11).

However, it’s because Jesus endured mistreatment that He can sympathize with us (Heb. 4:15). It's because He was separated from the Father and experienced the worst type of aloneness that we are never left alone.

So if you feel hopeless this Christmas because no one can understand what you're going through, remember that you're not alone.

Jesus walked the worst road of loneliness, rejection, and misunderstanding so that we can find everlasting hope and comfort. He offers acceptance and understanding no mere person can provide. May the hope of the gospel, that God has made a way for forgiveness and acceptance through His Son, bring hope to you this season, even when no one else understands.

Surviving the Holidays with Chronic Illness

Christmas is approaching and any busy holiday, party, or event usually becomes a huge stressor for those with chronic illness. Here are some ways to survive the holidays with chronic illness!

1. Accept your limitations. It's ok to admit you can't do as much as the average person this season. It's better if you can accept the limitations instead of fighting them or trying to prove that you can do it all.

2. Take breaks. Look for opportunities to rest. Resting may help you make it through a busy day better than pushing til you crash hard. Even if taking a nap isn't an option, backing away from the middle of the crowd into a corner that's a little quieter may help. Be creative!

3. Look for ways to focus on others. As you spend time with family and friends, ask someone else to tell you how they’re doing and what’s going on in their life. Let them talk for a while and focus on them. Or find a child to play with or an elderly family member to sit by. Focusing on others helps from being consumed with your symptoms.

4. Don’t commit. As much as possible, don’t commit! Not to parties or events or outings. Learn to say no to as much as you can, and then participate in the things as you are able or feeling up to it. This takes off a layer of stress that amplifies symptoms.

5. Don't stress over questions. You know you'll get questions from well-meaning family and friends about how you're doing, how treatment is going, or perhaps get some unwanted health advice. Learn to take those with grace and not worry about answering perfectly when people ask! It's ok to be general, but honest.

6. Don't lose hope. It is super discouraging to have your pain and limitations stare you in the face as everyone else enjoys the busyness and fun. You may be unable to do the things you desperately want to do! Take heart: remember that your illness is temporary. God is with you and He understands your pain and limitations (Heb. 4:15). Cry out to Him and ask Him to renew your hope.

Bonus! For those who have a friend or family member with chronic illness, here are a few ways to help:

• Allow them to rest. Don’t pressure them to be involved in every game or activity or help with preparations or cleanup. They're not being lazy, sometimes they need quiet or a break. Sensory overload, pain, and fatigue exhaust a person. Be grateful that they made it.
• Don't overload them with questions. Be gentle and kind in your questions. Take interest, but don’t overload them with questions about how their healing process is going; it may be very discouraging to them! 
• Don’t say, “You look like you’re feeling better!” This is one of the most unhelpful things you can tell someone with invisible illness, as usually how they look on the outside is not a very good indicator of how they actually feel. Chronic illness sufferers also become very adept at "faking" looking well, as it is the only way they can keep going.
• Consider what they can eat. Many people with chronic illness have limited diets, and the holidays can be stressful simply because you have to think about what will be available for you on top of the chaos of the day. Ask them what they can eat and provide a few options for them. They will be eternally grateful!

When the Holidays Are Hard

The holiday season is supposed to be "merry and bright," full of excitement and wonder...
but do you feel the exact opposite?

Does it seem like you have nothing to be thankful for or excited about this year? Nothing to look forward to? That everything’s been taken away and God is more against you than for you?

Many people experience deep sadness, depression, resurfacing bad memories, or even night terrors around the holidays. While there is a lot of hype and excitement about this season, it can discourage those who are hurting even more, as it’s another reminder of what has been lost.

If you’ve lost your health due to chronic illness, are facing relational conflict, grieving a loss, or despairing about Christmas because of the difficulty of life, let me encourage you with a few reminders:

1. It’s ok if the holidays are hard. Holidays can be a very difficult time for so many reasons. It's part of life in a broken, sin-cursed world. Instead of feeling guilty and despairing that it’s so hard, continually ask God to give you grace for each day. He will provide.

2. It’s good to cry out in the pain. It's natural to hate the pain you're facing, whether that's physical or emotional. It's normal to struggle. And it's good to grieve the pain and the losses. As you cry out in the pain, let it push you to God and not away from Him. He is a great Comforter.

3. Excitement and joy are not the end goal. If you are struggling to make it though the holidays, you don't have to hype yourself up or force joy. Yet even when it's really hard, it's helpful to focus on what you do have instead of what you've lost. This helps direct your heart and mind to what is true and give you a sense of gratitude in the difficulty. Ask God to help you see how you can honor Him through the pain. And talk to a friend or family member who can help you see past the fog.

4. Be thankful for the little things. Was your pain more endurable today? Did someone unexpectedly send you a text or a gift? Did a doctor's appointment reveal something you were unaware of? Did you have a warm drink today or a delicious meal? Did you see a clear evidence of God's grace and kindness towards you? Instead of being consumed by the losses, thank God for those small blessings.

5. Remember the greatest truth—Immanuel is “God with us”. The beauty of the Christmas season is not in the memories, the traditions, the people, or the gifts (although those are good things). The most comforting truth is that God came to dwell with us, sinful men and women, to bring hope and redemption. Jesus entered our brokenness to bring us freedom from sin. He, Immanuel, has not left you alone, but walks with you today.

As you struggle through the pain associated with the winter holidays, may you also find comfort in the God and Father who dwells with us, amidst the pain and the messiness. May that truth bring hope and comfort to our weary hearts.