Complexity of Life

If there’s one thing I’ve learned the last few years, it’s that life is far more complicated than I ever imagined.

The brokenness of this world, the physical breaking down of our bodies, the curse of sin, the idolatry of our own hearts, the many emotions that God has created us with—all contribute to the complex human beings that we are.

And put two people together, combined with different life experiences, challenges, expectations and sin patterns, and you have a recipe for disaster. This is why marriages, families, churches, and ministries are so often a mess.

Because life is so complex, counseling another believer is also greater than merely presenting biblical truth. I firmly believe that the Bible has answers and applies to all of life. But situations are not as black-and-white as I once perceived, and that makes discipling, counseling, or mentoring far different from, “Here’s the truth; just apply it.”

As Job's friends were terrible comforters, we can do the same when we tell someone in deep suffering trite phrases like, "God is working this out for your good!" While this is a true statement, it is not what someone needs to hear in that moment:

“Whoever sings songs to a heavy heart is like one who takes off a garment on a cold day, and like vinegar on soda.” Proverbs 25:20

As Proverbs informs, our words, though perhaps well-intentioned, can hurt much more than we realize. I've recognized this as people have responded to my chronic health issues. I think sometimes, in our quick-fix culture, we want to solve the problem for someone. Yet biblical help requires time to patiently listen and wisdom to understand and discern what is really going on.

I am the first to admit that I have been way too quick to fix people’s problems. The more I experience chronic illness and suffering's effects, and the more I write about it, the more I realize I don’t know. People are complex. Life is hard. Sin is strong.

But Jesus is greater.

You see, to face the complexity of life with hope, we need more than truth to obey or something to distract from the pain. We need someone in whom we can rest our hope. We need Jesus. And we need to point others to Jesus, and not simply to what they need to do.

Let's be careful to not oversimplify life and counsel and forget that we are working with complex, hurting human beings. Point the person you’re helping to a loving Father who offers comfort, forgiveness, healing, and hope. To the God who walks with them.

Let's help people find Jesus: a powerful Savior, perfect Comforter, and great Sustainer through the pain and complexity of life.


*Additional note: Dave Furman has a book titled "Being There: How to Love Those Who Are Hurting" that is one of the best books I've read on helping others. In it he shares 10 practical things to NOT do with someone who is suffering. I highly encourage everyone to read it!