Complexity of Life

If there’s one thing I’ve learned the last few years, it’s that life is far more complicated than I ever imagined.

The brokenness of this world, the physical breaking down of our bodies, the curse of sin, the idolatry of our own hearts, the many emotions that God has created us with—all contribute to the complex human beings that we are.

And put two people together, combined with different life experiences, challenges, expectations and sin patterns, and you have a recipe for disaster. This is why marriages, families, churches, and ministries are so often a mess.

Because life is so complex, counseling another believer is also greater than merely presenting biblical truth. I firmly believe that the Bible has answers and applies to all of life. But situations are not as black-and-white as I once perceived, and that makes discipling, counseling, or mentoring far different from, “Here’s the truth; just apply it.”

As Job's friends were terrible comforters, we can do the same when we tell someone in deep suffering trite phrases like, "God is working this out for your good!" While this is a true statement, it is not what someone needs to hear in that moment:

“Whoever sings songs to a heavy heart is like one who takes off a garment on a cold day, and like vinegar on soda.” Proverbs 25:20

As Proverbs informs, our words, though perhaps well-intentioned, can hurt much more than we realize. I've recognized this as people have responded to my chronic health issues. I think sometimes, in our quick-fix culture, we want to solve the problem for someone. Yet biblical help requires time to patiently listen and wisdom to understand and discern what is really going on.

I am the first to admit that I have been way too quick to fix people’s problems. The more I experience chronic illness and suffering's effects, and the more I write about it, the more I realize I don’t know. People are complex. Life is hard. Sin is strong.

But Jesus is greater.

You see, to face the complexity of life with hope, we need more than truth to obey or something to distract from the pain. We need someone in whom we can rest our hope. We need Jesus. And we need to point others to Jesus, and not simply to what they need to do.

Let's be careful to not oversimplify life and counsel and forget that we are working with complex, hurting human beings. Point the person you’re helping to a loving Father who offers comfort, forgiveness, healing, and hope. To the God who walks with them.

Let's help people find Jesus: a powerful Savior, perfect Comforter, and great Sustainer through the pain and complexity of life.


*Additional note: Dave Furman has a book titled "Being There: How to Love Those Who Are Hurting" that is one of the best books I've read on helping others. In it he shares 10 practical things to NOT do with someone who is suffering. I highly encourage everyone to read it!

Facing Your Frailty

Do you feel frail today? Are your limitations, weaknesses, and sins at the forefront of your mind?

God knows our frailty and does not despise it:

"As a father shows compassion to his children,
so the Lord shows compassion to those who fear him.
For He knows our frame; He remembers that we are dust.”
Psalm 103:13-14

The all-powerful God is a compassionate and gentle Father. He knows we are weak. He doesn't expect perfection, He asks for our humble dependence.

Dependence is only possible through the redeeming work of the gospel in our hearts. The gospel levels all of us to the same need: the need for a Savior.

You can face your frailty with hope today because nothing you do changes your standing as a child of God. Not your success, performance, achievements, or anything else. It's the imparting of Christ's righteousness, not your own, that makes you blameless. The gospel provides the only way to face our human frailty without feeling like a failure.

Thus the gospel brings hope to the worst sin, the darkest struggles, and the hardest pain. This means...

• When you respond sinfully again, you can turn to Him and find forgiveness (1 Jn 1:9).
• When you become fearful and anxious, you can find comfort in the Savior who will never leave you (Heb. 13:5).
• When you are stuck on your bed in pain, you can find hope in the truth that God isn't wasting anything (1 Pet. 1:6-7).
• When all around you is falling apart, you can run to the Rock and find shelter (Ps. 18:2).

God sympathizes and cares for you in your weakness and frailty. He doesn't ask you to be strong. He wants you to experience His strength in your weakness:

“My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong."
2 Corinthians 12:9-10

If you battle chronic illness, your frailty may be more evident than the average person. But it's not a bad thing to feel frail. It means you are human, and you need Jesus and gospel hope to face your frailty.

And that is true for all of us.

Adventures Traveling with Chronic Illness

In my previous post I shared 10 things I learned about traveling with chronic illness from a recent vacation. Now, just for fun, here are a few pictures from my trip!

Downtown San Francisco! I love the historic trolleys.

Mussel Rock Park

Pacifica, CA

Redwoods!

Traveling with Chronic Illness

A couple weeks ago I had an incredible opportunity to travel back to my birth and childhood state! While I didn't travel in the specific area I grew up, it was still super nostalgic to be back in California.

This was my first time to travel and have a real vacation since chronic illness slammed me 3.5 years ago. It also marked almost exactly one year of Lyme disease treatment. So it was a huge accomplishment for me! Yet because of chronic illness, traveling is different for me now. And it taught and reminded me of a number of things.

None of my findings are rocket science, just some reminders from a fellow chronic illness sufferer.

Ten things I learned from traveling with chronic illness:

1. Research! I did a ton of research before my trip, learning the public transportation options, travel routes, locations of different things I wanted to do, etc. I discussed possibilities with my traveling buddy and decided what the best options were, and created a potential travel agenda.

2. Don't travel alone. A friend traveled with me who knew and understood my limitations, which was huge. You need someone who will be of help to you, instead of pressuring you to do more than you can handle. Even if the person doesn't completely understand, talk about it a lot beforehand so it's not a pressure point during the trip.

3. Hold plans loosely. Being flexible and creating realistic expectations is one of the biggest challenges but perhaps most important. Creating an itinerary is important, but you may flare and need a nap when you'd rather be out and about. You may have to drop a long, busy day for something simple and close by. Weather may alter your plans. Holding plans loosely and being able to adjust helps keep your body from overreacting (and crashing) even more from the stress.

4. Expect things to take longer than expected. This point sounds redundant, but how often are we idealistic in how much we can push and how quickly we can do something? I forgot to factor in needing extra sleep from traveling, adjusting to a different time-zone, morning fatigue, and navigating a new place. I had to scratch a number of different things on my agenda I really wanted to see and do. So just plan lots of extra time, and don't worry if you can only do half of what you wanted. It's better than nothing!

5. Pack as lightly as possible. Prioritize health-related packing over style accessories. Make sure you have enough layers to deal with circulation issues or quickly changing weather. If you're flying, it's worth checking a bag so you don't have to drag as much weight around the airport, causing extra fatigue and pain.

6. Keep routines as much as possible. Don't just eat junk food because you're traveling or throw out your entire diet. Don't neglect supplements and medications. Find times to stretch, practice deep breathing, or take a nap. Those routines hugely impact your body's ability to remain stable as you face the stress of traveling. Don't stress if there are certain routines impossible to keep up with, but do what you can with your options.

7. Be prepared. On the opposite end of packing lightly, it's also important to consider the extra things you may need like supplements and medications. I brought more supplements and medications than makeup! Consider what food options you'll need, and perhaps pack those, especially if you're driving. I packed a number of Lara bars for quick protein options and ate green smoothies for breakfast to keep things easy and healthy. Additionally, think through travel necessities, such as water, gum, and medication for ear/head pressure if you fly, or a neck pillow if that helps you.

8. Drink water! Hydrating is critical when you're traveling. Pack a small, light water bottle that's easy to refill and force yourself to drink!

9. Pace yourself. Plan low-key activities and find ways to take breaks. Is your endurance limited? Does fatigue or pain slam you out of the blue? Make sure you don't push yourself to crashing point by planning low-key activities. Maybe you can drive around somewhere instead of walking. Perhaps a museum will cause sensory overload, but a park visit will not. Pacing helps the enjoyment of the trip.

10. Know your limits. Think through your particular limitations and issues and what you will handle best. Try to avoid the particular things that are challenging for you. My sensory overload is impacted most by a lot of noise/lights inside buildings, so I planned more outdoor things. Carrying my camera for periods of time increases my pain and inflammation, so my friend graciously carried it most of the time.


Traveling itself is stressful on the body of a chronically ill person. So finding ways to combat the stress and make it easier is crucial.

Happy travels!

Side note: There were many things that made my trip possible, including a generous friend who let me stay in her house and borrow her car. So thankful for God's grace in this opportunity and for health that was stable enough (finally!!) to endure it.

Facing a New Year with Hope

Does your life feel hopeless right now? Dreading this new year because of what it potentially holds? Is your life on a trajectory you never would’ve wanted?

I don’t know what you’ve walked through, but I know this:

Suffering impacts us deeply.

The last several years I’ve faced a lot of different types of pain. I’ve experienced the deepest heartache, betrayal, and disappointments I’ve known. It's impossible to summarize all the things that have happened. But as for long-term impact, chronic illness has been the most life-shattering.

Many chronic illness sufferers find themselves stuck because life is no longer as it used to be. A job may be impossible because of severe symptoms. Perhaps marriage is no longer an option, or to have children. Unable to work, I had to return to live with my parents in my mid-20s, while my dad covered all my health and living expenses (not cheap!!). It was very discouraging for me as I wanted to be able to at least contribute to my own burden.

No matter your specific situation, if this new year feels more hopeless than hopeful, I want to encourage you through four ways...

Fear Meets Truth
One of ways to face the new year with hope is to combat fear with truth. Actively bring to mind the things you know to be true. Things like:

• God walks through the deepest waters with you (Is. 43:2).
• God is your refuge and strength (Ps. 46:1-3).
• Jesus emptied Himself that you might find lasting freedom and life (Phil. 2:6-8).
• God cares so much that He keeps count of your tears (Ps. 56:8).
• This is temporary (2 Cor. 4:17).

Despair Meets Comfort
No matter what you face today—you can experience comfort. Comfort in the presence of Jesus walking with you. Comfort knowing that this is will end. Comfort that God is in the process of redeeming the messiest situation. Comfort that it all has purpose. Turn and find comfort in the God who cares for you.

Longing Meets Fulfillment
Longing is part of living in a broken world. Loneliness, brokenness, and disappointment is normal, even for believers, and it may make this new year feel incredibly discouraging. But one day, all our longings will be completely fulfilled in Christ. For now, let the desperate longings help you to long for something better, something greater:

"...He has caused us to be born again to a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead, to an inheritance that is imperishable, undefiled, and unfading, kept in heaven for you." 1 Pet. 1:3-4

Brokenness Meets Hope
Sometimes our disappointment comes from the brokenness within and around us. Lost job, shattered relationship, bankruptcy, abuse, betrayal, the death of a dream....the list goes on. The brokenness of the world hits hard, and there are very real difficulties to grieve over and wrestle with. Yet in the midst, we have to cling to where real hope is found:

“True lasting hope is never found horizontally. It’s only ever found vertically, at the feet of the Messiah, the One who is hope. Place your hopeful heart in his hands today.” Paul Tripp

No matter where 2018 left you, or what fears and hopes you timidly hold for 2019, remember that comfort can be found on the most uncertain of days. We have a Savior who entered our brokenness, took on our despair and longing, and made a way to destroy our fears and suffering forever.

Only in Christ can you face 2019 with hope.

When No One Understands

The car waved me on in front of them. I reluctantly stepped into the road, even though I wanted to wait for them to pass. I hated people watching me walk. I moved like a grandma with a cane instead of the quick young person I used to be. I could barely put one foot in front of the other. My legs felt like lead trying to lift them.

While I trudged across, the car honked at me for walking so slowly. I almost burst into tears, but managed to hold it together long enough to pick up my few items from the store before I completely crashed from the sensory overload and fatigue. I broke down crying when I got back to my car.

As embarrassing and discouraging as it was, having a stranger frustrated with me was nothing compared to times friends or family wondered if I was really as sick as I claimed. Was I just being dramatic? It is so difficult to explain chronic illness, and even harder for the people you know to understand.

Does it seem like you're alone too?
Do you ever feel as though no one understands what you’re going through?
Is your suffering so difficult that those around you can't seem to sympathize or help?

You’re not alone this Christmas.

While the Christmas story seems full of hope and joy and nostalgia, there were some very hard circumstances surrounding that historical account. Giving birth to the Son of God was not all joy and ease.

Think about Mary, the mother of Jesus. She was told she would carry the Messiah. This is the greatest and most humbling privilege in the world! And yet she was met with opposition and judgment. People thought she had been immoral. Her reputation was forever ruined. It was ugly, and she probably got a lot of side-glances as she walked down the road.

Sadly, she couldn't even explain to them, because they wouldn't believe her. There was nothing she could do to make them understand.

Jesus received the same response. The Savior of the world was not met with the honor and praise He deserved. He was mocked by the people He came to save (Mt. 13:55). He was despised and rejected by men (Is. 53:3). His own people wouldn’t receive Him (Jn. 1:11).

However, it’s because Jesus endured mistreatment that He can sympathize with us (Heb. 4:15). It's because He was separated from the Father and experienced the worst type of aloneness that we are never left alone.

So if you feel hopeless this Christmas because no one can understand what you're going through, remember that you're not alone.

Jesus walked the worst road of loneliness, rejection, and misunderstanding so that we can find everlasting hope and comfort. He offers acceptance and understanding no mere person can provide. May the hope of the gospel, that God has made a way for forgiveness and acceptance through His Son, bring hope to you this season, even when no one else understands.

Surviving the Holidays with Chronic Illness

Christmas is approaching and any busy holiday, party, or event usually becomes a huge stressor for those with chronic illness. Here are some ways to survive the holidays with chronic illness!

1. Accept your limitations. It's ok to admit you can't do as much as the average person this season. It's better if you can accept the limitations instead of fighting them or trying to prove that you can do it all.

2. Take breaks. Look for opportunities to rest. Resting may help you make it through a busy day better than pushing til you crash hard. Even if taking a nap isn't an option, backing away from the middle of the crowd into a corner that's a little quieter may help. Be creative!

3. Look for ways to focus on others. As you spend time with family and friends, ask someone else to tell you how they’re doing and what’s going on in their life. Let them talk for a while and focus on them. Or find a child to play with or an elderly family member to sit by. Focusing on others helps from being consumed with your symptoms.

4. Don’t commit. As much as possible, don’t commit! Not to parties or events or outings. Learn to say no to as much as you can, and then participate in the things as you are able or feeling up to it. This takes off a layer of stress that amplifies symptoms.

5. Don't stress over questions. You know you'll get questions from well-meaning family and friends about how you're doing, how treatment is going, or perhaps get some unwanted health advice. Learn to take those with grace and not worry about answering perfectly when people ask! It's ok to be general, but honest.

6. Don't lose hope. It is super discouraging to have your pain and limitations stare you in the face as everyone else enjoys the busyness and fun. You may be unable to do the things you desperately want to do! Take heart: remember that your illness is temporary. God is with you and He understands your pain and limitations (Heb. 4:15). Cry out to Him and ask Him to renew your hope.

Bonus! For those who have a friend or family member with chronic illness, here are a few ways to help:

• Allow them to rest. Don’t pressure them to be involved in every game or activity or help with preparations or cleanup. They're not being lazy, sometimes they need quiet or a break. Sensory overload, pain, and fatigue exhaust a person. Be grateful that they made it.
• Don't overload them with questions. Be gentle and kind in your questions. Take interest, but don’t overload them with questions about how their healing process is going; it may be very discouraging to them! 
• Don’t say, “You look like you’re feeling better!” This is one of the most unhelpful things you can tell someone with invisible illness, as usually how they look on the outside is not a very good indicator of how they actually feel. Chronic illness sufferers also become very adept at "faking" looking well, as it is the only way they can keep going.
• Consider what they can eat. Many people with chronic illness have limited diets, and the holidays can be stressful simply because you have to think about what will be available for you on top of the chaos of the day. Ask them what they can eat and provide a few options for them. They will be eternally grateful!

When the Holidays Are Hard

The holiday season is supposed to be "merry and bright," full of excitement and wonder...
but do you feel the exact opposite?

Does it seem like you have nothing to be thankful for or excited about this year? Nothing to look forward to? That everything’s been taken away and God is more against you than for you?

Many people experience deep sadness, depression, resurfacing bad memories, or even night terrors around the holidays. While there is a lot of hype and excitement about this season, it can discourage those who are hurting even more, as it’s another reminder of what has been lost.

If you’ve lost your health due to chronic illness, are facing relational conflict, grieving a loss, or despairing about Christmas because of the difficulty of life, let me encourage you with a few reminders:

1. It’s ok if the holidays are hard. Holidays can be a very difficult time for so many reasons. It's part of life in a broken, sin-cursed world. Instead of feeling guilty and despairing that it’s so hard, continually ask God to give you grace for each day. He will provide.

2. It’s good to cry out in the pain. It's natural to hate the pain you're facing, whether that's physical or emotional. It's normal to struggle. And it's good to grieve the pain and the losses. As you cry out in the pain, let it push you to God and not away from Him. He is a great Comforter.

3. Excitement and joy are not the end goal. If you are struggling to make it though the holidays, you don't have to hype yourself up or force joy. Yet even when it's really hard, it's helpful to focus on what you do have instead of what you've lost. This helps direct your heart and mind to what is true and give you a sense of gratitude in the difficulty. Ask God to help you see how you can honor Him through the pain. And talk to a friend or family member who can help you see past the fog.

4. Be thankful for the little things. Was your pain more endurable today? Did someone unexpectedly send you a text or a gift? Did a doctor's appointment reveal something you were unaware of? Did you have a warm drink today or a delicious meal? Did you see a clear evidence of God's grace and kindness towards you? Instead of being consumed by the losses, thank God for those small blessings.

5. Remember the greatest truth—Immanuel is “God with us”. The beauty of the Christmas season is not in the memories, the traditions, the people, or the gifts (although those are good things). The most comforting truth is that God came to dwell with us, sinful men and women, to bring hope and redemption. Jesus entered our brokenness to bring us freedom from sin. He, Immanuel, has not left you alone, but walks with you today.

As you struggle through the pain associated with the winter holidays, may you also find comfort in the God and Father who dwells with us, amidst the pain and the messiness. May that truth bring hope and comfort to our weary hearts.

Why We Wrote Hope and Help for Chronic Illness

If you'd like to learn more about why Mark Shaw and I wrote Hope and Help for Chronic Illness, check out the latest Biblical Counseling Coalition blog post! :)

Why We Wrote Hope and Help for Chronic Illness

Maybe someone you know would be blessed by this resource this Christmas!

Chronic Illness Lessons: It's Ok to Rest

One particularly difficult challenge in chronic illness is learning to rest well. Resting is not easy for anyone, but especially when you're hit with limitations and forced to rest as a young person. You  expect to be able to push through, to do anything, to have unlimited energy and stamina! And other may expect that of you, making the necessity of resting even more difficult.

In learning that it's ok (and even biblical!) to rest, there are a few practical things that have helped me rest better:

1. Don't fight it. I realize there are times to push yourself and times you just have to make it through. But when possible, learn to accept the crash and simply rest. This means you have to mentally rest too, instead of fretting or striving about what you can't do. Find a way to engage your mind that's restful for you. Listening to a book or music, watching a movie, coloring, writing a note to someone, laughing at corny jokes, doing word art, or organizing your phone pictures could be restful things. Often the things you did to rest before chronic illness will not be restful anymore, so experiment and be creative, finding what works for you!

2. Learn to pace. This hits my pride. I don't like to be seen as weak or unable to do things. Right now I'm trying to build up my stamina, and that means I go on very short, slow walks at a steady pace. I'm talking 5-10 minutes max. In the moment, sometimes I think I can go much further, but in the end I pay for it when I push myself too far. Pacing is a form of rest that helps you use your limited energy more effectively.

3. Let go of the list. If you've crashed, sometimes there are things that need to go, at least temporarily. If the dishes sit a little longer or the bathroom doesn't get cleaned as frequently, that's ok. If you have to scramble for pantry food for dinner or wait to get the oil changed, that's ok. If you have less time to devote to a project or paper, that's ok. The more you can learn to not become stressed or anxious when those things are put aside, the quicker you can heal.

4. Break up tasks into small, manageable goals. I've found I can rest better when I know what's coming and don't feel overwhelmed by my impending to-do list or afraid I'll forget something important. So I write everything down. Then I try to break those up into more manageable goals. A fellow chronic illness sufferer told me for a while, her goal was to have the bathroom sink cleaned each day! It was small but accomplishable goal. Simplifying tasks or goals may help you rest better.

There's a lot more to resting that could be said. But rest is a God-given blessing that was instituted from the beginning of the world:

"By the seventh day God completed His work which He had done, and He rested on the seventh day from all His work which He had done. Then God blessed the seventh day and sanctified it, because in it He rested from all His work which God had created and made." Genesis 2:2-3

God Himself, the unlimited one, chose to rest, to set an example for us. How much more do we, as limited beings, need rest! So don't fear rest and don't fight it. Accept it as a form of God's grace to you in this season. You are not sovereign. The world will continue on even when you stop.

It's ok to rest.

Chronic Illness Lessons: Identity

Who am I?
What makes me, me?
Where do I find value and purpose?

Have you asked yourself these questions? I think we all have. Each person looks for something to make them unique or give them purpose and value.

Consequently, identity struggles are a normal part of life. For instance, God created us for work (Gen. 2:15) and relationships (Gen. 2:18). It is not wrong, but a reflection of God Himself, to find joy and excitement in those things. However, because of the curse, those good things often become ultimate things, and the way God created them to function becomes distorted and sin-raided.

While we all battle identity issues, chronic illness seems to present an identity crisis. It strips away what we previously thought defined us and causes us to question everything. We are told to find our identity in Christ (Col. 3:3). But what does that look like when you battle chronic illness? 

Chronic illness has unveiled my own identity issues more than anything else I’ve experienced. Here are some things I’ve learned:

1. You can’t define yourself by what you do (or don’t do). You may be unable to contribute like the average person or keep up with normal life. While you feel this tension of what you want to do and what you're able to do, it's good to remember that limitations are part of being human. Identity in Christ frees you from defining yourself by what you do.

2. Your value isn’t defined by what others think. It's tempting to look to others for validation or for them to understand. Identity in Christ frees you from looking to others for value.

3. You can rest without striving. Even when resting, it’s easy for to strive internally. “I need to do this… if only I could accomplish this….why can't I do that?…” Even though we may be physically stopping, we can act as if the world can’t go on without us. Identity in Christ frees you to rest.

4. It’s ok to fail. There will be days you feel like a failure because of where you’re at physically or your lack of accomplishments. There will be numerous moments of sinful responses. Identity in Christ frees you from being defined by your failure.

5. It’s ok to say no. You don't have to fix everything or take on every need. Consider what is wise for you, and learn to say no when it's necessary. Identity in Christ frees you from the burden of being the savior of anyone or anything.

6. You can accept your current state of health, while being hopeful for the future. Honestly accepting your limitations is necessary for healing, but you can be hopeful for the future. Identity in Christ frees you from placing your hope in your healing, while remaining hopeful.

7. You can be grateful when your idols are unveiled. Yes, there are emotions and struggles that come about from the stress and physical, but there will be heart issues as well. Be grateful, because God is using it to refine you. Identity in Christ allows you to honestly confess your sin.

8. Your value doesn’t rest on your performance. Your value rests on the finished work of Christ, not anything you do. Identity in Christ frees you from performing to earn favor.

9. You are not defined by your illness. After a while, sickness becomes comfortable, no matter how desperately you want it to improve. It may be the only identity left, since everything was stripped away. So you may become afraid to lose it. Identity in Christ frees you from fear.

10. Your life is not worthless. You are of great value, loved and accepted, because you are made in the image of God! Don’t ever believe the lie that it would be better if you were gone or that you’re too much of a burden on everyone else. Your life has purpose, even if you can’t see it. Identity in Christ gives you purpose, no matter what life looks like.

As long as we find identity in success, performance, achievements, relationships, serving, or anything temporary, we will be prone to either pride or despair. Tremendous freedom flows when we find our identity in our Savior.

If your purpose and value has been stripped away by chronic illness, learn to see that as a blessing. When God takes away what doesn't last, He wants to replace it with something permanent. He wants you to find your identity, your hope, your joy, and your fulfillment in Him alone. Learning to rest in your identity in Christ will make you much more fruitful and effective and bring hope in the darkest of days.

If you missed it, check out part one on grief!

Chronic Illness Lessons: Learning to Grieve

First in a new series!

There is a type of inevitable grief that comes with chronic illness. The loss of a job, friends, hobbies, and more, due to declining health, make the present and the future dark. Not knowing if it'll ever improve causes the loss to feel even more unbearable. Just as an amputee is forced to learn to live with the loss of a limb, a chronically ill person has to learn to live with newfound limitations. This, and the emotions that coincide, are some of the greatest challenges.

One of my biggest losses in chronic illness was the piano. I played the piano for 17 years before it was suddenly stripped away. Every time I attempted to play, my pain would become excruciating. Eventually, I stopped trying. I questioned whether I had lost that gift for good.

In my battle with chronic illness, one of the lessons I've learned is that it's ok to grieve. I've been on a journey of learning how to lament. To cry out to God in the pain. To take the emotions to my heavenly Father instead of burying them deep inside.

For a long time I thought I just had to be content and joyful with my chronic illness, and it was perpetually frustrating that it was so hard for me. Every day I was stuck on my bed I would be discouraged and frustrated, which in turn propelled more frustration that I couldn't just accept it! Why couldn't I just "grin and bear it"? After all, it wasn't anything new.

And then I realized God wasn't asking me to ignore the pain and just "be joyful". There's a reason the Psalms are full of laments, cries, and pleas. God is trying to teach us how to lament and grieve when we face very difficult losses. Biblically grieving losses in a broken world reflects God Himself.

The Psalms are full of very raw, honest, and desperate cries:

"How long, O Lord? Will you forget me forever?
How long will you hide your face from me?
How long must I take counsel in my soul
and have sorrow in my heart all the day?"
Psalm 13:1-2

"Save me, O God! For the waters have come up to my neck.
I sink in deep mire, where there is no foothold;
I have come into deep waters, and the flood sweeps over me.
I am weary with my crying out; my throat is parched.
My eyes grow dim with waiting for my God."
Psalm 69:1-3

The Psalms help give words to our grief. They relate to us as we face loss and teach us what it looks like to grieve and lament in a way that honors God. Vaneetha Rendall Risner, in her book, The Scars that Have Shaped Me, talks about the implications of this truth:

"Our authenticity draws others to God as it allows them to be honest, too. God welcomes our lament to help us hold on to him. He knows that our tendency is either to pretend everything is okay (while we suffocate on the inside) or to walk away from God, believing he doesn’t care. Lamenting keeps us engaged with God. When we lament, we invite God into our pain so that we can know his comfort, and others can see that our faith is real."

Facing the difficult emotions of grief and crying out to God in lament sometimes feels wrong. It seems like we're doubting and questioning God when we shouldn't. Yet amazingly, when we lament, we are staying engaged with God, and it actually displays the genuineness of our faith to others.

So as you face losses in chronic illness, take that grief to God. Cry out to Him. Be honest about your struggles. Lament. Then let the God of all comfort be your Comforter.

Your willingness to lament encourages other sufferers more than a joyful facade ever will.

*Post based off Hope and Help for Chronic Illness

Courage in Chronic Illness

What comes to mind when you hear the word courage?
Great accomplishments?
Daring feats?
Stepping out of your comfort zone?

While the dictionary does define courage as "the ability to do something that frightens one", there is a second definition that I believe is even more impactful:

Strength in the face of pain or grief.

Are you facing ongoing pain, fatigue, or ever-changing symptoms that haven't yet been diagnosed? Navigating the challenges of life with diabetes or fibromyalgia? Chronic illness hits in so many forms and is a difficult journey. It requires extensive courage. Courage you may not believe you have.

But, dear reader, if you have made it another day when you thought it wasn't possible, you have courage.

"Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is the quiet voice at the end of the day saying, 

'I will try again tomorrow.'" Mary Anne Radmacher

This quote struck me when a friend shared it with me recently. You see, courage is a hard thing for me. At the end of a physically exhausting or emotionally draining day, the last thing I want to say is, "I'll try again tomorrow." I wish I could give up. I want it all to end.

Courage is not a word I would use to describe myself. I'm not daring or adventurous. I don't even like change much at all.

But life-risking adventure is not the kind of courage God seeks. It's not about being the first person to try something risky or accomplishing some grand feat. Rather, as you face your deepest fears in chronic illness, your most intense pain, your severe limitations, your "new normal", the heart issues unveiled–you are exhibiting courage. As you persevere day-by-day and moment-by-moment, you are demonstrating courage.

Don't give up, no matter how hard your days get. Keep turning to the Lord in the grief and pain. God is developing powerful fortitude and courage in you. One day, you will look back and realize in all those pain-filled days you didn't want to continue, there was grace.

You will look back and see that you have more courage than you ever expected. Not the adrenaline-rush, risk-taking courage, but the long-lasting courage that helps you persevere through a difficult life in a broken world. Courage to follow Jesus no matter the cost. Courage that has strengthened your faith and hope.

This is true courage.