When You Feel Condemned...

We’re all prone to self-condemnation to some extent. Whether it’s from an unrealistic, perfectionistic standard, heaping guilt on ourselves for not doing enough, or wallowing in our failures and sins, it’s easy to get caught in lies of self-condemnation that scream, "You're not good enough!"

I've noticed self-condemnation emerge more during chronic illness. It's so tempting to compare to where I think I should be physically, how much I think I should be able to handle, how I still have the same sinful attitudes and responses, and get stuck in an endless cycle that only leads to deeper discouragement.

Whether I'm working through idols and sinful responses or simply navigating life with limitations, the Enemy likes to use those struggles to make me lose hope. There is a verse from Before the Throne that has been a great encouragement to me when I get stuck in self-condemnation:

When Satan tempts me to despair
And tells me of the guilt within
Upward I look and see Him there
Who made an end to all my sin
Because the sinless Savior died
My sinful soul is counted free
For God the just is satisfied
To look on Him and pardon me

It is natural to despair when we create a perfectionistic standard for ourselves, think we're not doing enough, or see that we're still battling the same sin. The truth is, you and I aren't good enough. Yet the hope is we don't have to be.

Freedom from Condemnation
If you are a believer, no matter what you’ve done, you have a Savior who has made an end to all your sin—past, present, and future. You don’t have to define yourself by your past—God sees Jesus’s righteousness when He looks at you (2 Cor. 5:21). You also don't have to define yourself by your accomplishments (or subsequent lack of)—your worth is found in Christ.

What are you "stuck on" today? What perceived (or real) failure is feeding your self-condemnation? Shift your focus from all you're not doing and all the ways you don't measure up, and turn your eyes to Jesus. Look to the One who made an end to all your sin, who says it's not your performance that makes you right with God, but Jesus' performance that makes you clean. This is why there is no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus (Rom. 8:1).

When you're spiraling into despair because of the lies, look to see what the gospel really says about you. God is greater than the lies of self-condemnation (1 Jn. 3:20). Let the gospel guide your situation and direct your responsibilities as a redeemed child of God. If the fog is too thick for you to distinguish the lies from the truth, ask a friend to help you see what is true.

Instead of getting lost in the lies of self-condemnation, let's turn our hearts to the God who loves us unconditionally, and rejoice in this hope today: "The Lord redeems the life of His servants; none of those who take refuge in Him will be condemned." Psalm 34:22

The Cost of Unforgiveness (pt 2)

Life certainly has a way of teaching you that forgiveness is a lot more difficult than the childhood struggle of forgiving a sibling who hit you or a friend who wouldn't play with you. Relationships are complicated and often hard. Forgiveness is costly.

I’ve experienced my share of hurt, conflict, and broken relationships, much of which has occurred in the church (see previous post). I've lost close friendships. With other friends, I’ve had to work through deep hurt.

But there's one thing I've learned:

While there is great cost in forgiveness, there is a greater cost for unforgiveness.

This does not mean that forgiveness is easy in any way, shape, or form! It’s inevitable that you will be hurt by other sinners (and you will sin against them too, by the way). It’s part of living in a broken world cursed by sin. It also doesn't mean that forgiveness is a one-time deal or that the feelings or struggles go away. But Scripture warns us:

"For if you forgive others their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you, but if you do not forgive others their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses."
Matthew 6:14-15

This is terrifying when you ponder its implications. I don't want God to withhold forgiveness from me! God is a gracious Father, and He never commands us to do something that He hasn't given us the power to do. So what would God have us learn from conflict and forgiveness?

The Opportunity of Conflict
If we really understand the depth to which we have been forgiven by God, we will want to forgive others. That doesn't make forgiveness easy, but it does provide the motivation to forgive.

Here's what we miss out on when we refuse to forgive:

“When we reject the opportunity to forgive or ask for forgiveness, the relationship suffers. When we choose to practice true forgiveness, the relationship is not just brought back to where it was before the offense; it actually moves further down the road to maturity.” Relationships: A Mess Worth Making, Paul Tripp and Timothy Lane

This is an incredible picture. For a long time, I was convinced that conflict = a bad relationship. I thought it was better to have no conflict than to have resolved conflict. Because of this, I carefully avoided conflict. It wasn't really peacemaking though, but a fake kind of peace-facade, where I didn't really deal with issues. I never imagined that biblically resolved conflict could lead to a deeper relationship.

I'm not saying I've suddenly had all these wonderful relationships because I faced conflict head-on. I've had to grapple with this truth in light of ongoing, unresolved conflict I have no power to fix. On the other hand, I have experienced the beauty of deeper relationships because of conflict handled biblically. And I have learned that forgiveness is more for my own heart and relationship with God than it is just to smooth things over or have a "good relationship".

Embracing the Cost
While we know there is cost in refusing to forgive, as well as opportunity in conflict, how do we embrace the cost of forgiveness? Two things that help propel us forward:

1. Look to Jesus. Remember, the price you pay in forgiveness is never as great as what God sacrificed to forgive you (Rom. 5:6-9). When you see the depth of your own sin and the extent to which you've been forgiven, it spurs you on to forgive others (Eph. 4:32). Forgiveness is not negating justice, but leaving justice to the hands of God (Rom. 12:19).*

2. Choose to love. Usually when we're hurt, the last thing we want to do is show love to someone. I know it is for me! But isn't this what Jesus calls me to do? Choosing to demonstrate love is a way to help bring healing to our hearts (Rom. 12:20-21, Luke 6:27-36).

If you have been sinned against, forgiveness is a high and difficult command. Each situation is unique and there's no way to comprehensively address all that should be done in your situation. But I know this is true: choosing to forgive bears incredible fruit for your own life. 

The next time you experience conflict, weigh the cost of forgiveness and the cost of unforgiveness. Then let the Scriptures guide you into deeper, more mature relationships with others, as you seek to live in light of the forgiveness that God has graciously bestowed on you.

*This is not to imply that you ignore or overlook situations involving abuse or illegal activity. Each situation is unique and requires much wisdom, including reporting things to the proper authorities when necessary. 

The Cost of Forgiveness (pt 1)

I grew up as a pastor's kid, mostly church planting, which moved us around a lot. In the course of 15 years, I lived in eight different cities across six different states. Some of the moves were due to unexpected church conflict, resulting in leaving churches we loved and poured into. We've experienced some extremely ugly church situations that caused significant heartache, grief, and pain.

So I have firsthand experience of the difficulties of church ministry and the costliness of forgiveness.

Unfortunately, those ugly situations aren't unique to my family. Churches don't have the best statistics for keeping their pastors (almost 80% of pastors have had forced resignation, usually due to church conflict). Sadly, statistics for pastors staying in the ministry are also very low; most don't make it five years. Depression stats for pastors and pastors' kids are high. Gossip, slander, and betrayal by church members are all too common.

The church, which is supposed to be a beautiful reflection of Christ, is often filled with just as much conflict and brokenness as the world. Shocking, right?

Why is this? I believe there are three reasons:

1. The Church is Full of Sinners
Redeemed though we are, we are sinners. We sin against one another all the time, whether we mean to or not. Sometimes we expect that the church will be full of beautiful, caring community and deep relationships—and no conflict. While biblical community should characterize us, we will inevitably experience conflict. The question is not whether or not we have conflict, but how we handle it that demonstrates if we represent Christ well.

2. Forgiveness Requires Great Sacrifice
I believe one reason for rampant church conflict is that forgiveness is costly. It is hard to forgive that person who keeps sinning against you, especially when they're a fellow believer. But even God's forgiveness towards us had a great cost. Tim Keller explains:

“...God's grace and forgiveness, while free to the recipient, are always costly for the giver.... From the earliest parts of the Bible, it was understood that God could not forgive without sacrifice. No one who is seriously wronged can "just forgive" the perpetrator.... when you forgive, that means you absorb the loss and the debt. You bear it yourself. All forgiveness, then, is costly.” 

Forgiveness is daunting and painful because we absorb the cost. Naturally, we want the person who hurt us to suffer for what they've done, especially when it is unjust. Forgiveness involves bearing the cost of someone's sin against you. And that requires the supernatural work of the Spirit in your heart.

3. Conflict Resolution Involves Formidable Effort
Sometimes it's easier to ignore the problem or let the relationship fizzle off, versus working through the difficulty and pain of resolving it. You will find people in the same church that refuse to speak to one another because of bitterness and unresolved conflict. Surprising? It just goes to show that biblical conflict resolution is often much harder than holding onto that bitterness.

Hope for this Difficult Task
Forgiveness may be one of the most difficult and costly things you are called to do. Working through conflict, misunderstandings, and hurt with fellow believers will require humility and sacrifice. Reconciliation is not for the faint of heart.

No matter how monumental the cost of forgiveness may seem, we know that it is not as costly as God's forgiveness towards us (1 Pet. 2:24). This is where we find great hope! The forgiveness we've encountered through the gospel propels us to forgive others (Col. 3:13). It enables us to pursue peace without putting the pressure for another person's response on what we do, because God alone changes hearts (Rom. 12:18). Even in those difficult situations where reconciliation does not occur, we can trust that justice is in God's hands (Rom. 12:19).

May the gospel motivate us to embrace the cost of forgiveness.

(Stay tuned for part 2!)

Where to Purchase Hope and Help for Chronic Illness

If you are interested in purchasing the booklet Hope and Help for Chronic Illness for your church's counseling ministry, for yourself, or for a friend, here are the places you can find it:

• Focus Publishing
• Amazon
• Christianbook.com
• Books a Million

The last few years have been the most difficult I’ve experienced thus far, mostly because of my own battle with chronic illness. But I have seen God’s sustaining grace in deeper ways than ever before.  Somehow, in the deepest pain and hardships, He creates something beautiful.

If you are facing chronic illness, my heart goes out to you. It is not an easy road. You may wonder if you will make it another day, or another week. But the hands that are holding you are strong, and will not fail you. There is hope in the pain.

That's why we wrote this booklet. Because I saw the desperate need for my own heart to hold onto hope. And I long for others to experience that same hope.

I'm praying that this resource will be a source of encouragement to those battling chronic illness and those who are seeking to help a friend with chronic illness.

Birthday Reflections

What does it mean to live well as a young adult? Having great ambition? Accomplishing Kingdom work? Achieving a successful career? Going where no one’s gone before? Leaving your mark on the world? Doing more than the average person?

I grew up setting goals and tackling them. I got my BA at 19, had a successful piano studio, was very involved with church, people, and other forms of ministry. I felt pretty accomplished for young person.

But my mid-twenties have been far from that. I lost all of those “successes” and was forced to simply accomplish the bare minimum, mostly due to chronic illness. From my own perspective, it feels like a waste. What have I done? What am I accomplishing? How am I making a difference? What value do I have? Is my life producing anything?

As I reflected back on this last year of life (as I often do on my birthday), I realized I was asking the wrong questions. You see, we have a human problem of comparison, thinking that we have to do what everyone else does in order to be a successful Christian. But often comparison is just foolish (2 Cor. 10:12).

It is commendable to set high goals. But our successes or accomplishments in and of themselves do not make life fruitful.

Physical limitations have kept me from accomplishing as much. Whenever I think about where I’m at in life, it’s tempting to feel like a failure.

But God isn’t looking for my success. He wants my faithfulness. Right now, in this season, life looks significantly different from what I expected. But that doesn’t mean that my life is a waste. And neither is yours.

Obedience is often different than we imagine. Sometimes obedience means remaining faithful in the fire of suffering and not giving up on life. That’s not the type of exciting, risk-taking obedience we imagine when we think of the Christian walk. But it is radical, because it fights against everything we want—our own sin and selfishness. It is the obedience in the hard and mundane that is perhaps one of the most difficult things we will do.

Remembering God’s faithfulness and where He has brought you is key to continuing when everything feels hopeless. When life isn’t going as you expected and it feels like you’ve done nothing worthwhile, look to the cross. Your worth is not in your accomplishments. It’s not in success. It’s not in relationships. It’s not in marriage or ministry.

It’s in Christ.

A life well spent is one where we find our hope and value in Him. And you can do that no matter what season you find yourself or what limitations you have. Take heart:

"His delight is not in the strength of the horse, 

nor his pleasure in the legs of a man, 

but the Lord takes pleasure in those who fear him, 

in those who hope in his steadfast love." 

Psalm 147:10-11

Hope and Help for Chronic Illness booklet GIVEAWAY!

I’m hosting a giveaway of my NEW booklet, Hope and Help for Chronic Illness, co-authored with Dr. Mark Shaw (and endorsed by Joni Eareckson Tada)!

This resource flowed from my deepest struggles in chronic illness and was written with a wise biblical counselor and author. Whether or not you also personally battle chronic illness, you probably know someone who does, so we believe everyone will benefit from this booklet. The issues surrounding chronic illness are very complex—but there is hope, no matter how difficult the circumstance.

Please join the giveaway and share with everyone you know!

TO ENTER:

1. FOLLOW me on one or more of my social media accounts and "like" my giveaway post.

• Facebook
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2. TAG a friend in a comment on one of the "giveaway" social media posts! (For an extra entry!)

3. SHARE this blog post or one of the giveaway posts on social media. (One extra entry - be sure to tag me so I know to count it!)

Winner will be randomly chosen on Saturday September 1, 2018 and announced on my social media accounts. Entries in the USA only.

The Anointing of Suffering

Suffering. Trials. Adversity. Words we cringe at and circumstances we would avoid at all costs. However, while we desperately long to avoid difficulties, it is one of the clearest ways God refines, prepares, and sets apart.

Some of the most anointed people are ones who have greatly suffered.

Suffering’s Anointing
You may never have thought of suffering as a type of anointing. Seems contradictory, doesn’t it? It's tempting to think of suffering as God's punishment.

In the Old Testament, God anointed kings—His way of setting them apart for particular work. And I believe that suffering is one of God’s key forms of anointing believers today, preparing them for greater work.

This is backwards from the typical way we view suffering. We are quick, like Job’s friends, to self-righteously look on others who are suffering and ask, “Is not your evil abundant? There is no end to your iniquities.” (Job 22:5)

If we’re honest, I think we’re sometimes looking for a horrible reason that other people suffer and justification that we won’t suffer like them. The disciples did this when they asked Jesus if it was because of a man’s sin or his parents that he was born blind (John 9:2). Jesus’s response? “It was not that this man sinned, or his parents, but that the works of God might be displayed in him.” (v. 3) Let’s not play God by assuming someone is suffering because of their sin.

Suffering’s Comrades
I don’t think I have to remind you of all the Scriptural examples of people who experienced significant suffering. Job. Joseph. David. Daniel. Paul. And countless others. Was it a form of discipline or punishment? Hebrews 11 tells us that it was a sign of their faith. This was God’s way of anointing and purifying His people.

Additionally, there are endless stories from history of Christians who suffered deeply. Hudson Taylor. John Patton. Charles Spurgeon. Elisabeth Elliot. Amy Carmichael. I could spend all day writing stories of the difficulties they encountered. Would anyone say it was because of his or her sin? Never!

We all long to be like these heroes of the faith. But in order to be like those saints, we would have to go through the depths of suffering that they faced. Most of us don't ponder what it took for them to become such great examples, and if we knew it all, we wouldn't choose to go through the same adversity. If you are in a season of testing through suffering, know that there are many others before you that God mightily prepared and anointed through suffering.

Suffering’s Fruit
Suffering, no matter the form, is unbelievably hard. But don’t fear suffering. Fear life going so well that you become self-reliant and independent, rendering you ineffective to love and serve those around you.

Your suffering is not wasted. It is God’s way of anointing and purifying you to prepare you for greater effectiveness. You may not even recognize the countless implications and fruit.

Your suffering produces endurance (Rom. 5:3-4).
Your suffering yields greater future glory (Rom. 8:18, Jam. 1:12, 1 Pet. 4:12-13).
Your suffering makes you a better comforter to others who are suffering (2 Cor. 1:4-5).

These are just a few examples of the fruit of suffering. Fruit you cannot produce on your own. The fruit that results from the anointing of suffering.

Battling Discouragement

There are many things in life that can discourage and drag us down. Past hurt, broken relationships, financial stress, chronic illness, prodigal family member or friend, church conflict, our own sin. You name it; there is always something that tempts us to despair.

When it comes to discouragement in chronic illness, it’s been my experience that symptoms can alter my perception of reality. High pain or fatigue inevitably produces discouragement. But not only that; the rollercoaster of emotions and symptoms over time can lead to ongoing discouragement and despair about life in general.

I’ve battled discouragement already this week. One day, I woke up with energy and motivation, and got some tasks accomplished. It felt great. And then the next day I woke up feeling like I had been run over by a truck. Exhaustion and pain and many random symptoms flared. I started to cry that I could still swing that dramatically from day to day. I felt like I was backtracking—again.

Where is the hope on these days? How can we battle discouragement in life? 
There is one simple (but not easy) thing you can do today:

Cling to the Rock.

David cries out in the Psalms:

"Hear my cry, O God, listen to my prayer; from the end of the earth I call to you when my heart is faint. Lead me to the rock that is higher than I, for you have been my refuge, a strong tower against the enemy." Psalm 61:1-3

It is normal to fight discouragement and despair in a broken and sin-cursed world. But it doesn’t have to weigh you down and crush you. When you face the reality of the brokenness of your own body, a relationship, or anything else, run to the Rock: "Be to me a rock of refuge, to which I may continually come." Psalm 71:3

Do you notice how it says, "to which I may continually come"? This is not a one-time deal. We are dependent people who need God’s grace and strength to daily face the discouragement without it crushing us. There's an old hymn that reminds us of this:

When darkness veils His lovely face,
I rest on His unchanging grace;
In every high and stormy gale,
My anchor holds within the veil.

His oath, His covenant, His blood,
Support me in the whelming flood;
When all around my soul give way,
He then is all my hope and stay.
-The Solid Rock

When you can't see past the fog of discouragement, when everything around you seems to be falling apart, there is a Rock that is steadfast. One who loves and cares tremendously for you, who never leaves you or forsakes you.

On the days you're overwhelmed, discouraged, and tempted to despair, don't try to solve the difficult life problems on your own. It only leads to greater despair. Cling to the Rock until that storm lightens a little. And then look around carefully and see the Father's support and protection amidst the whelming flood. This will provide hope as you battle the discouragement of today.

The Tapestry of Suffering

When I was younger, I had questions about why God kept moving us from state to state. Why I couldn't find a friend. Over the last few years I've had many doubts about church and ministry because of the deep hurt and suffering I've experienced from it. I've wondered about my future because of chronic illness, and why my dreams were taken away. There is so much about suffering that doesn't make sense in my mind.

It is normal to have doubts and questions about suffering. We question what God is doing and wonder what He is up to in our pain.

Corrie Ten Boom experienced profound suffering. Because her family hid Jews in their home, Corrie and her family were imprisoned in a Nazi Concentration Camp. Her father and sister died there. She had to wonder what God was doing. And yet God used her experiences to powerfully impact and comfort many, even after her death.

God is weaving beautiful things in your suffering that you cannot yet see.

Corrie expresses in The Tapestry poem:

My life is but a weaving
Between my God and me.
I cannot choose the colors
He weaveth steadily.
Oft’ times He weaveth sorrow;
And I in foolish pride
Forget He sees the upper
And I the underside.
Not ’til the loom is silent
And the shuttles cease to fly
Will God unroll the canvas
And reveal the reason why.
The dark threads are as needful
In the weaver’s skillful hand
As the threads of gold and silver
In the pattern He has planned
He knows, He loves, He cares;
Nothing this truth can dim.
He gives the very best to those
Who leave the choice to Him.

God hates suffering. It is a result of the brokenness of sin. He does not delight in your pain. But the amazing thing is... He redeems it. It is never wasted.

I wouldn't ask for the trials I've faced. But I wouldn't give back the growth that God has done in my heart. I have seen little glimmers of God's work. The last few years of suffering (namely chronic illness) have immensely deepened my compassion and grace for others who are struggling. It really is true that He comforts us in our affliction so we can comfort others (2 Cor. 1:4).

Similarly, God is working beautiful things through your difficulty in ways you cannot comprehend. It is painful and sorrowful for now, because we only see the underside of the tapestry. But He loves you. He has not forgotten you in your pain.

God is weaving a beautiful tapestry out of the hurts, the disappointments, and the trials you've faced. 

It is not in vain. Let those dark threads do their work. The Weaver is wise and gentle.

The Booklet is HERE!

It's finally here! You can purchase your copy of Hope and Help for Chronic Illness at Focus Publishing, co-authored with Dr. Mark Shaw. And it's endorsed by Joni Eareckson Tada!

The Story:

This booklet idea was birthed out of my battle with chronic illness. It flowed from the deepest struggles I’ve ever faced, as well as my longings for healing. It was very much written in the depths chronic illness, not on the other side of making it through. Many, many tears flowed in the process of writing.

I served in a one-year internship at Vision of Hope, a residential facility for women. There I met Dr. Mark Shaw, and as I physically struggled to make through my internship, I expressed to him that I felt like there wasn’t much written for chronic illness sufferers.

So he suggested we should write something together. And that’s how it all began…

I personally know the deep difficulty of chronic illness, and I wrestled with how I could be one to write and provide hope of any form for others. I felt like I was barely clinging to hope myself. In my experience, just as when you help someone grieving the loss of a loved one, you have to approach chronic illness sufferers very gently. There is a lot going on. I’ve never felt so intimidated by a project and inadequate to write, and yet so reassured that it was God's timing.

Thanks to Dr. Shaw's prompting, we wrote a resource to help those battling chronic illness. It is by no means comprehensive. But we hope it will provide encouragement and hope for those who are struggling.

If you are battling chronic illness, would you be willing to read it? And if you know someone, would you share this resource with them? We want to get it into the hands of as many people as possible, praying that it would offer compassionate care and hope to those who are suffering.

Go get your booklet! :)

When Prayers are Unanswered

God doesn’t often answer our prayers in the way we’d like. He doesn’t always take away the trouble. But He does answer:

“On the day I called, You answered me;
my strength of soul You increased.”
Psalm 138:3

God answers by strengthening us, enabling us to stand against the pressures of life.

This is grace.

It isn’t the form of grace I generally appreciate. Most often, I plead for the trial to go away. I long for life to be better. It's not wrong to want that. God gave us that yearning to help us long for heaven, the day when all will be made right. Until then, the curse of sin has left this world broken.

On the other hand, sometimes we miss what God is doing right now because we are so focused on getting out of the difficulty. Vaneetha Rendall Risner talks about "rescuing grace" and "sustaining grace" in her book, The Scars that Have Shaped Me. We all long for rescue from our circumstances. Yet there is something beautiful to be gained from sustaining grace in a trial. Vaneetha explains:

"With sustaining grace, we must continually go back to God. This grace is not a one-time thing, just as manna was not a one-time event. We need it every day. And it keeps us dependent on God. With sustaining grace, we get more of Jesus. His comfort, his nearness, his very presence."

Psalm 138 continues with a similar theme...

“Though I walk in the midst of trouble,
You preserve my life…
The Lord will fulfill His purpose for me.” (vs. 7a, 8a)

God is fulfilling His purpose for you. That is not to sound cliché or make light of your suffering, but to provide hope. God walks with you. He preserves you when you feel like you cannot make it another day. This is sustaining grace. Vaneetha looks back on her lack of rescuing grace in the midst of much suffering and imparts this wisdom:

“God loved me enough not to rescue me. He knew I needed to see him, to sense his presence, to understand his heart. I needed those things more than I needed rescue.”

This is a hard truth, but a freeing one. Have you wondered sometimes how you've made it this far? How you've pushed through so much pain and fatigue? How you've persisted, despite the tremendous hurt and suffering you've experienced?

This is grace. God's sustaining grace. And that same grace will be with you and keep you to the end.

"Through many dangers, toils and snares 

We have already come. 

Twas grace that brought us safe thus far, 

And grace will lead us home."

If you want an encouraging book from someone who has suffered greatly, read The Scars that Have Shaped Me: How God Meets Us in Suffering!

How Illness can be More Fruitful than Health

If you had asked me a year or two ago if chronic illness could be more useful or fruitful than health, I would've replied, "No way!" Now of course, I never would tell that to a suffering person. But I definitely thought it regarding my own health problems.

Sickness greatly hinders my productivity. It keeps me from serving and ministry. It prevents participation in church life. It creates a huge financial burden on others I become dependent on. Ongoing sickness seems like a complete waste of time. 

This was my perception of my chronic illness. Spurgeon challenged me in his statement:

“Sickness has frequently been of more use to the saints of God than health has.”

Charles Spurgeon didn't just say this out of naivety. He experienced ongoing health problems and depression. His wife fought chronic illness and couldn't leave home to hear him preach for an extended period.

By God's grace, there are many things I’m continually learning about His work through sickness and suffering. I hope it will encourage you too, no matter the form of suffering you face.

Five ways chronic illness can be more fruitful than health:

1. Illness directs you to greater dependence on God. (2 Cor. 12:9-10) Often when we are well, we are incredibly self-sufficient, even though we desire to be dependent on God. Have you comes to grips with your own weakness and inability through illness or pain? This tumultuous, trying season helps point to your daily need for God. And what a beautiful thing, when in your weakness, His strength shines through.


2. Illness cultivates compassion on others who are suffering. (2 Cor. 1:3-7) Did you formerly walk by those who were suffering without much thought about how you could help or encourage them? Or perhaps you came across harsh to those you were trying to help. I have been guilty of this. Illness cultivates compassion for others who are hurting. So in essence, your sickness is making you more like Jesus!


3. Illness tests and reveals your heart. (Deut. 8:2) Just as God tested the Israelites in the desert to show them what was in their hearts, He often uses suffering to reveal what is in ours. And it's not usually very pretty. There is hope though, because whenever we are faced with the ugliness of our sin, we can confess that and find cleansing and freedom through Jesus. As your sin is on display through illness, run to Jesus, letting Him transform your heart and make you more like Him.


4. Illness pushes you to find your identity in Christ. (Col. 3:3) Has this sudden loss of everything has made you feel like you are no longer the same person? Me too. What's encouraged me is that what I can or can't do does not change who I am. Accomplishments, success, relationships, a job, or ministry do not give us purpose and meaning. Our purpose in life is found in being united with Christ. 


5. Illness reminds you that heaven is coming. (Eph. 1:11-14) We have an glorious inheritance ahead of us! The trials of today seem eternal. But they are not. If sickness can wean us from our attachment to the world and help us long for heaven, then it is producing great fruit in us. This future-oriented perspective makes us more effective in life and ministry.

I have wrestled with the purpose of my own extended season of chronic illness. I’ve frequently wondered, “How would my isolation and illness possibly be of more use than health?” But this season is not wasted. Not for you and not for me. In fact, you may look back on it and find that it was the most fruitful, growing season in your life. Take heart. God is using this difficulty in ways you cannot yet see.

Take Me Back to the Good Ol' Days

“Wish we could turn back time to the good old days…” Twenty One Pilots

All of us have natural tendencies to be past, present, or future oriented. None of these ways of looking at the world are wrong in and of themselves. In fact, unique perspectives provide different strengths and insights into life. Diversity is a beautiful thing.

Over the last few years of chronic illness and difficulties, I’ve identified a strong tendency to be past-oriented. I look back five or more years ago and remember how great life was—how much I enjoyed work, people, and life. I remember how passionate and eager I was to impact the world.

Those were the “good ol’ days”.

There is wisdom in remembering the past. God often warned Israel that their complaining and unfaithfulness was due to forgetting. But interestingly, the Israelites were actually looking back and remembering something. Yet not in the way God intended:

“And the whole congregation of the people of Israel grumbled against Moses and Aaron in the wilderness, and the people of Israel said to them, “Would that we had died by the hand of the Lord in the land of Egypt, when we sat by the meat pots and ate bread to the full, for you have brought us out into this wilderness to kill this whole assembly with hunger.” Exodus 16:2-3

Israel looked back on their slavery, and all they could see was that they had plenty of food. They looked back on their bondage with a type of nostalgia that it was better than their current circumstances. Instead of seeing God's faithfulness in delivering them, they could only focus on their perceived losses.

I'm far too like the Israelites than I'd care to admit. In my efforts to look back and remember something happy, I’m not always considering God’s faithfulness, but rather using it as an excuse to gripe about my current circumstances (this isn’t fair) or bemoan in self-pity (why me?).

“And the people complained in the hearing of the Lord about their misfortunes, and when the Lord heard it, his anger was kindled, and the fire of the Lord burned among them and consumed some outlying parts of the camp.” Numbers 11:1

God’s anger burned against Israel in their complaining and caused some of them to die! That’s pretty strong. But they still didn't relent...

“And the people of Israel also wept again and said, “Oh that we had meat to eat! We remember the fish we ate in Egypt that cost nothing, the cucumbers, the melons, the leeks, the onions, and the garlic. But now our strength is dried up, and there is nothing at all but this manna to look at.” Numbers 11:4b-6

If you battle chronic illness, you know how tempting it is to look back on how life was before and to long for that again. Wanting to be healthy or involved in normal life is not wrong. Grieving the loss is ok. Maintaining hope for healing is crucial. But if looking back to how life was before sickness leads you to complain and get angry with God, that is not the kind of remembering God intends. It is sin.

I struggle with this too. Life is not how I would like it, and it’s easy for me to get stuck seeing all the negative. If you've been there, the gospel gives us hope if we confess our sin of complaining. We don't have to face the the anger of the Lord because Jesus bore His wrath on our behalf. But God didn't save us to let us remain in our sin. He graciously brings conviction that we might turn away from it and turn to Him, finding freedom and hope.

As we look to the past, let's be careful that we are remembering God’s faithfulness and goodness, leading to gratitude, and not complaining about our losses.

"I will remember the deeds of the Lord; yes, I will remember your wonders of old. I will ponder all your work, and meditate on your mighty deeds." Psalm 77:11-12